Food Revolution Phase 3: Family Style Meals

mealtime peace

Dating back to our newlywed days, George and I have eaten dinner together at the table with no interruptions.  Family meals were equally important with the addition of children. When the quads were babies, George constructed a quad feeding table, which worked well for spoon feeding them.   When they were about two years old, we transitioned to a family dinner table, which helped us better enjoy family meals because we were facing each other.  For a while, mealtime was a pleasurable experience, but then it became dreadful.

Eliminating snacks certainly didn’t improve mealtime, and changing our snack menu improved nutrition, but still did not alleviate mealtime stress.  Once again, I was back to the drawing board.  I thought back to a conversation I had with one of our ECI therapists about a year ago.  She too experienced mealtime woes and found the work of Ellyn Satter quite helpful.  The foundation of Ellyn Satter’s work hinges on this principle:

“The parent is responsible for what, when, where. The child is responsible for how much and whether.” – Ellyn Satter Institute (ESI)

I thought we’d done a decent job following this principle as well as many of the other recommendations of the ESI.

  • Served three meals a day at regular times with snacks in between
  • Sat at the table to eat
  • We ate as a family with no interruptions
  • We did not operate as short order cooks and did not limit our menu to appease anyone
  • We always served something the kids would like at meals, and included a satisfying starch
  • We let the kids choose which items from the meal to eat and how much of each item
  • We denied snacks between the regular meal and snack times

Despite all of these long standing mealtime habits, there were disgruntled children at our dinner table and it was unpleasant. Having quadruplets means that many of our daily tasks are completed in an assembly line manner, which makes things efficient and fair.   The kid’s plates were no exception.  In the past, after a meal was prepared, we set out the kids plates, filling them with each part of our meal.  We ended up with four identical plates that were doled out at the table.  During the meal, they were allowed to opt out of eating anything on their plate and were encouraged to put unwanted items to the side.  They could also request more of anything they especially liked.  Yet, there were many nights that kids screeched about something at dinner.   I had one final idea I wanted to attempt.

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While I was cooking dinner, I started asking the kids to set the table, giving each child something to set out.  They took this new responsibility very seriously, and it really helped me because it completed a task and kept them occupied while I was busy. Once the meal was ready, we placed all of the food on the center of  the table.  Then, we’d take each dish, going around the table to ask each child if they wanted any.  If it was an item they could self serve, we let them.  If it was too difficult for them to manage, we’d ask them where (the where is critical) on their plate we should put the food, and how much.  This small change was magical.  Three year olds crave independence and control over anything they can manage.  Giving them the control over what went on their plate and where it went alleviated our mealtime stress.

We’ve been serving all meals in this manner for about a month.  In that time period, not one child has thrown a fit.  In fact, the kids have been extremely complimentary about their meals saying things such as, “I like this meal, Mama!”  (Mind you, they are complimenting the very meals that previously sent them into a tailspin.) They’ve also tried foods they previously denied.  They don’t clean their plate, and I don’t want them to.  Instead, they are eating until they feel satisfied and most of all, they are happy.  Mealtime peace has been restored!

 

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Rylin didn’t want to oblige me for a photo, but her plate is a really good example of how it was designed by her.  She really loves tomatoes and she chose a tomato salad with Japanese dressing on it.  The other three aren’t as keen on tomatoes and opted out.

 

How is dinner served at your house?

 

hugs!

 

Amber

Food Revolution: Phase 2 Snacks Redefined

snacks redefined

When eliminating snacks was unsuccessful for improving dinnertime, I was back to the drawing board.  First, I considered our goals for dinner, and with feeding in general.

  1. We wanted the kids eating a well balanced diet that was adequate for health and growth.  This was critical since our family has experienced chronic constipation, food allergies, and our children are much smaller than same age peers.
  2. We wanted the entire family to have pleasant mealtime experiences.

Since banning snacks basically created hangry children, I decided it was time for everyone (adults and children) to redefine snacks.  Over the past few years, we developed poor snacking habits.  The majority of the time, snacks consisted of food with minimal nutritional value.  Snacking wasn’t the problem itself, the bigger issue was these foods often became substitutes for meals and the kids weren’t getting adequate nutrition.  Keeping this in mind, I tweaked the snack menu.

When our typical afternoon snack time arrived, I started offering several choices that included primarily fruits and vegetables, and other sources of protein such as nuts or dairy.  In the beginning, the kids were NOT pleased with these options, and often on their own volition skipped snacks altogether.  On many occasions they demanded off menu items.  Instead of catering to their whims, I continued offering a variety of options that included items I knew they’d enjoyed before.  We have two tiered basket on the counter top that is always full of fruit (often chosen by the kids during shopping trips), and these were consistently offered as snacks.  In addition, if someone didn’t eat part of a meal, and it was an item I knew they liked, I put it into lidded containers color coded by child.   Leftovers could then be added to the snack menu.

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Here, we had left over Greek yogurt, apples, and pasta that was untouched at lunch.

 

After the weeks trudged on, the kids finally started trying their new snack options and enjoying them.  I could not believe it when Sydney chose apples for her snack, and then gobbled them with a huge smile on her face.  This was a BIG deal, people. Sydney is a self proclaimed “carnival” (e.g. carnivore) who loves to nosh meat and carbohydrates.  Fruit and  veggies have never been atop her preferred foods list, yet she decided apples were indeed tasty.  While we were shopping, she requested grapes.  This was huge for her.

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Raw carrots for snack?  Why yes!  And look at those smiles!

 

During this process of redefining snacks, our snack menu is somewhat limited.  At the same time, our previously enjoyed foods are not “forbidden” either.  I want the kids to learn how to enjoy a variety of food and feel satisfied with some of the most nutritious foods, but to also appreciate treats.  I enjoy desserts and salty snacks, why shouldn’t they?

Even with better snacking habits underway, improving the kid’s nutritional intake, my second goal was not yet achieved.  The kids were often fussy at dinner, claiming to be “very hungry” then refusing to eat anything presented to them.  It was not uncommon for one or more children to proclaim something such as “This is DISGUSTING!” (Thank you, Pixar for Inside Out, and adding “disgust” to the children’s emotional vocabulary.)  It seemed that the kids took turns having a dinnertime tantrum so we’d experience at least one per night.  Even worse, tantrums occurred even when we served favorite meals and despite the fact we told them they didn’t have to eat anything they didn’t want.  Dinner was an exasperating experience most nights.

At this point, we were on the cusp of accomplishing both of the feeding goals, but weren’t quite there.  Stay with me, I know many others are having similar struggles and are eager to discover what finally made all the difference in the world.

 

Hugs!

 

Amber

 

 

Gather ‘Round the Family Table

When we were newlyweds, I was still in grad school while George was a novice in his field earning a small pay check.   That meant our apartment was furnished solely with hand me down pieces and thrift store finds.  There was no way we were going to let our nest LOOK like it was a thrift store, however.  Instead, we learned how to bring new life to dated or worn pieces.

Our first piece of furniture to renovate was a dining room table and chairs.  I can’t remember, but it may have cost $75 for all  five pieces.  The table was a classic, sturdy pedestal design with two leaves, but we didn’t care for the oak finish.  The chairs had lovely lines, but the upholstery was tattered and the wood frames were rickety.  After spying a Pottery Barn table far outside our budget, we used some paint, fresh fabric, and elbow grease to inspire our own design with our thrift store find.  This project was the first of many similar re-designs we’d tackle.

black Pottery Barn Inspired Table and chairs thrift store redo

After the purchase of our first house, our little Pottery Barn inspired table found a new spot in our dining room.  It was later relocated to our breakfast nook in that house.

Pottery Barn inspired black table, thrift store redo

The buffet behind the table was also a furniture redo we eventually painted solid black.  It is currently functioning as a changing table/ dresser for the boys nursery.

Countless meals were enjoyed around this table.  However, when the quads were old enough for spoon feeds we needed something to accommodate them.  Our solution was to build our own quad feeding table and store our original table in the attic.  With four infants being spoon fed, the quad table proved ideal.  I could easily reach each little birdie for meals, and clean up was a breeze.

quadruplet feeding table/ toddler table

This was the first time the quads ever sat in their table.  At the time, they weren’t sitting independently so I used baby towels to pad them in.

toddler table

Little dangling feet were always my favorite view of the quad table.

When we moved to our new house the quads were 22 months old and still getting good use out of the quad table.  By that time, they were self feeding using utensils and spoon feeds were a thing of the past.  Yet, we still used the table for instructional activities, story time, and art projects.

I could easily facilitate story time from the quad table.  However, the quads do reasonably well sitting in child sized chairs or in a semi circle on the floor too.

I could easily facilitate story time from the quad table. However, the quads do reasonably well sitting in child sized chairs or in a semi-circle on the floor too.

It was relatively simple to clean up after the messiest of art projects at the quad table.

It was relatively simple to clean up after the messiest of art projects at the quad table.

When the quad table was originally built, we hoped to get two to three years use from it. However, as the quads grew it became clear that the quad table’s days were numbered.  Harper grew dangerously close to the 30 pound weight limit for the quad table seats, and he seemed uncomfortable being crammed into it.  Furthermore, the quad table became a point of stress during meals.  All four of the quads could reach anything on the table, which meant they snatched food from each other (and our plates), poked each other with forks, and created numerous shenanigans.  Clearly, the quad table served it’s purpose and it was time to move onto something new.

DIY quadruplet feeding table/ toddler table

This photo was snapped the last night we used our beloved quad table. I’m amazed at how much they’ve grown.

Oh how they've grown!

Little dangling feet will always be my favorite view of the quad table.

In a pinch, we can pad the quads into adult sized chairs, but it’s not good for everyday use.  It’s difficult for the quads to see and reach their food, let alone use utensils.  Consequently, we piloted booster seats attached to our dining chairs.  After trying several designs, we realized booster seats were even more problematic than the quad table.  Booster seats nearly destroyed our dining chair’s upholstery and the quads could easily push their feet against the table and tip backwards.  We considered serving their meals at a child sized table, but that would mean we couldn’t enjoy family dinners.

Even when it was only two of us, George and I ate the majority of our dinners at the table together.  During family meals, we take time to converse with each other about the day’s events and future plans.  We take time to enjoy the meal before us and reconnect as a family.  Because family dinners are of the utmost importance to us, we needed another plan.   After dining out, it occurred to us that restaurant high chairs would be perfect.  They are easy to clean, sturdy, stackable, and include seat belts for safety.  Once I found decent priced chairs, I ordered four from Amazon Prime.

Since the quads still bash the table with their utensils, there was NO way we were spending money to buy a new kitchen table.  It was time for our very first dining table to return from storage.  However, the black paint was nearly a decade old and looked haggard.

We are gradually changing our color palate in the new house from dark colors to lighter hues and accepting them in cheery colors such as butter cream, aqua, and orange.  Our dark table was given a clean coat of aqua paint then distressed using a stain technique that could withstand quads.  In fact, we used the same color and technique we used on our coffee table.  We then painted the chairs white and distressed them with the same technique to give them an antique appearance.  The dingy crimson wall was covered by a soft gray, which effectively brightened the room.

Our accessories didn’t look quite right with the new wall color, but cans of chrome and sunshine spray paint helped coordinate the look.  And, a bold floral fabric on the chairs pulled the entire room together.  Ta da!

Thrift store table and chairs given a distressed finish using stain

We used glitzy letter decals to decorate each high chair.  Since the seat belts are adjusted differently for each child, it helps us remember whose chair is whose.  Plus, we move the chairs around and the quads enjoy searching for their new place at the table.

aqua table, antique white chairs, gray wall

Aside from the fact that I adore the fresh new look of our breakfast nook, it is working beautifully.  Since it’s a traditional family style table, we face each other for conversation.  (I should record some of our dinner conversation with the quads…they are generally humorous).  Also, the center of the table is outside the reach of little hands.  This allows us to serve food from the table instead of getting up to refill little plates thousands of times.  Seriously, with the quad table I’d get up every few seconds to bring more food to the quads and I rarely sat down to enjoy my meal.  Another bonus of the new set up is we can move the high chairs to create space between kiddos or away from the table itself (this is handy if someone is starting to make a mess with their plate).

When we have company join us for dinner, we have room for a few extra chairs so we can all dine together.  Nisey and Grandpa enjoyed dinner with us on Grandparent’s Day last Sunday, and there was ample room for the eight of us.

family dinner

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I was slightly sad to see our quad table go, but it has been re-homed to a family with infant quads. Knowing it will help feed another set of quads makes my heart happy. In fact, this family plans to pass it down to the next generation so who knows how many quad families may enjoy our table.

Where do you dine?

Hugs!

Amber

 

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Toddler Tips #701: Civilized Dining (sort of)

With each passing day, I find myself trying to solve some new challenge with raising four toddlers, aka “quaddlers”. They are a cunning lot who inspires a little ingenuity on my part (and George’s) just to manage day to day life. While my ideas are born from being surrounded by four toddlers, I think many of them could be helpful to any parents of little ones so I'm sharing.

With each passing day, I find myself trying to solve some new challenge with raising four toddlers, aka “quaddlers”. They are a cunning lot who inspires a little ingenuity on my part (and George’s) just to manage day to day life. While my ideas are born from being surrounded by four toddlers, I think many of them could be helpful to any parents of little ones so I’m sharing.

 

We are far from a perfect mealtime at our house, but we are diligently working on it.  At around 15 months we began serving the babies meals on plates (we ordered the Boon Saucer Edgelesss Stayput Divider Plate, Multi
as seen on Texas Tales), and we gave them toddler utensils.  At that age, they refused to let us spoon feed them, and attempted to self feed by grabbing our spoons.  They didn’t yet have the dexterity to feed themselves with utensils and instead relied upon finger feeding.  Dinner finally became family mealtime where all six of us ate at the quad table, which allowed us to model utensil use for the quads.  It wasn’t long before they made crude attempts at spearing and scooping food.  Despite their interest level and best efforts, the process was frustrating to say the least.  They’d chase their food and poke, but rarely got food onto their forks.   I bought metal toddler forks, but they are so dull even I struggled to stab food.  Sydney’s Occupational Therapist suggested using cocktail forks instead of toddler forks.   The next time I was out shopping, I scoured Home Goods and found a four pack of cocktail forks that closely matched our flatware.  I couldn’t resist buying the matching cocktail spoons as well even though they probably weren’t necessary.

 

I scored these at TJ Maxx for $6.99.  They are a close match to our flatware so I could probably use them as cocktail forks if we ever had a cocktail party.

Since these are a close match to our flatware so I could probably use them as cocktail forks if we ever had a cocktail party.  If that ever happens.

 

I excitedly presented the new forks at our next dinner.  The results were magical.  With small, yet sharp utensils, the quads easily speared food AND the food stayed on their forks.  They were so proud of their newly acquired skill that they beamed.  We’ve been using cocktail forks for a few months now, and for the most part the quads use their forks instead of fingers.  It’s still messy, but I attribute better success to our new forks.  I wouldn’t recommend offering cocktail forks to very young toddlers since they are a little sharp.  They are probably best for toddlers who have the concept of self feeding and won’t poke their hands or faces.  I might start with spoons and when the concept is mastered, offer cocktail forks.

They are messy, but really using their new forks!

They are messy, but successfully using their new forks!  In the picture, Rylin is using her right hand, but 95% of the time she uses her left and does a much better job when using the left.  I wonder if she’l be a lefty.

 

Are you left handed or right handed?

 

Hugs!

 

Amber