parenting multiples

Fall Festival

Amber 2 Comments

My parents have been loyal members of the same church for over thirty years.  Consequently, Courtney and I grew up with a rather large extended church family, who has supported us even as we’ve grown up and moved away.  Long before the babies ever arrived, they prayed for our family, sewed a prayer blanket, donated secondhand baby necessities, and hosted diaper drives.  In fact, they donated so many diapers that we bought very few in the babies’ first year.  However, due to lock down and challenges of traveling, the babies just recently made their first appearance at this church for a special occasion: The Fall Festival.

The Fall Festival is the church’s sole fundraiser, which occurs each September.  Since it was once coordinated by my father, it’s nostalgic for both Courtney and I.  I fondly recall the days when our dance class provided entertainment, we collected game prizes, and I served pizza in the rain with mom.  I’d say it’s the church version of the state fair complete with fairway games, a petting zoo, informational booths, fried food, an auction, and crafts for sale.

We were able to get one whole group shot of our family.

We were able to get one whole group shot of our family.

Surprisingly, I look forward to the Fall Festival especially because I know it’s the single best place to get made-to-order egg rolls, and they cost a buck!  I’ve always secretly loved the rummage sale too.  It’s one of the largest garage sales in the state, filling an entire basketball gym with a menagerie of stuff.  Granted, the majority of the rummage sale is usually junk, treasure always lies beneath, and the hunt is exhilarating.  This year, my shopping time was minimal, but I scored pajamas for each of the girls for just $.50!  This year, the best part of the Fall Festival was fellowship with people we’ve known for years, yet haven’t seen in quite a while.  Without a doubt there were no grandparents prouder than Grandpa and Nisey.  They beamed each time they met a friend meeting the quads for the first time.

Grandpa discovered a more efficient way to carry Harper.

Grandpa discovered a more efficient way to carry Harper through the rummage sale.

I thought the babies would be interested in the petting zoo since they've mastered animal sounds. Not quite.

I thought the babies would be interested in the petting zoo since they’ve mastered animal sounds. Not quite.

Rylin did not take a nap on the way to church and was downright crabby. Nisey finally found a maraca in the rummage sale that appeased her.

Rylin did not take a nap on the way to church and was downright crabby. Nisey finally found a maraca in the rummage sale that appeased her.

Typical Mason flirted with everyone he met, flashing those two dimples happily.

Typical Mason flirted with everyone he met, flashing those two dimples happily.

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hugs!

 

Amber

Every Wink Counts

Amber 9 Comments

B. Q. (Before Quadruplets), I blissfully enjoyed a solid eight uninterrupted hours of sleep each night.  Plus, I almost always snagged a quick power nap when I arrived home from work.  On the weekends, George and I routinely enjoyed leisurely mornings, sleeping past our usual alarm clock wakings.  Oh how I loved sleep!

While I was pregnant with the quadruplets, I adopted the sleeping habits of a house cat (i.e. I slept more hours in a 24 hour period than I was awake).  After delivery, I was in for a rude awakening when my sleep habits were forced into a tailspin. Even while the babies were in the NICU, I woke around the clock to pump for them.  For me, sleep occurred in two hour bursts at best.  I was astonished that it was even possible to function on such little sleep. I was “functioning”, but that was about it.  Some days it was surprising that I accomplished anything.  With such poor quality sleep, I found myself doing goofy things such as wearing my sweater backwards to work, speaking incoherent rubbish, and forgetting to refrigerate the milk I pumped in the night.  Having four babies in the NICU was exhausting and brutal for sleep, but once they arrived home matters did not improve.  With four babies home, George and I woke together round the clock to feed and care for them.  We found our Keurig coffee maker to be our most beloved appliance.  I never drank coffee B. Q., but found myself dependent upon just one cup to manage early morning feedings and such (I still have a coffee habit that I may never shake).

Out of pure necessity, to restore one of our most precious commodities, George and I sleep trained the babies when they were about four months old.  After many grueling sleepless nights, we once again slept in longer than three hour intervals.  We even clocked a minimum of six hours per night without disruption!  Soon they began sleeping well over eight hours per night without bothering us.  Still, they are fantastic sleepers, generally snoozing 11-12 hours without so much as a peep.  That does not imply that we are sleeping 12 hours, or even the eight we desire.  Having toddlers in our home means that few chores, or anything leisurely occurs during their wake time hours.  All day long, we are working to care for them and provide an enriching environment.  Once they are safely tucked into their cribs each night, George and I have much to accomplish.  Around 8:00 pm, we enjoy our dinner together then tick off a few chores before we can hopefully relax with a television show or novel.  Most nights, our bedtime is around 11:00 pm, and occasionally we don’t even pad off to bed until close to midnight, only to wake in the morning to four bright eyed toddlers.  I would love to sleep a luxurious eight or more hours per night, but at this point it’s unlikely.  As a result, George and I fiercely try to preserve the sanctity of the precious winks we do get each night.  I was ecstatic when Silksleep offered to let me try one of their 100% pure mulberry silk sleep masks.

I always think its a treat to get something from overseas, especially when it comes from "Royal Mail". It makes me feel cultured or something.

I always think its a treat to get something from overseas, especially when it comes from “Royal Mail”. It makes me feel cultured or something.

I think the Ivory silk with chocolate trim has a sophisticated appearance.

I think the Ivory silk with chocolate trim has a sophisticated appearance, and I really like the black bag for storage.  Goodness knows I don’t want little fingers tampering with my mask.

Back in the days when George and I traveled, I always packed a sleep mask and miniature fan in my suitcase for good measure.  When you’re away from home you can never count on having an environment conducive to sleep, but white noise and darkness generally help.  Whenever I know someone admitted to the hospital (especially for an extended stay), I bring them a sleep mask and ear plugs if they do not have one because hospitals are notoriously bright and loud.   I certainly appreciated those two things during my brief stint in the hospital.  However, I never once considered wearing a sleep mask in the comfort of my home.  And, the sleep mask I previously owned was some cheap cloth with elastic from a discount retailer.  I always thought our bedroom was perfectly arranged for good sleep, but Silksleep changed my opinion.

The night my Silksleep mask arrived was ideal for my first experience with it.  Earlier in the day, I took the quads for a play date with the Bell Quad Squad, and needless to say I was completely drained of energy.  Play dates are fantastic for the quads and me, but eight babies have a way of zapping even the most lively person of energy.  To relax my mind, I read a chapter of my Sophie Kinsella novel then asked George to snap a picture of me before calling it a night.

For my first night test driving my Silksleep mask, I thought my "Got Quads" t-shirt was apropos.

For my first night test driving my Silksleep mask, I thought my “Got Quads” t-shirt was apropos.

I found it nearly impossible to take a picture with the numbers visible on my alarm clock. If you squint a bit, you may notice it says 11:31 pm. That's typically about the time I turn in for the night. Late.

I found it nearly impossible to take a picture with the numbers visible on my alarm clock. If you squint a bit, you may notice it says 11:31 pm. That’s typically about the time I turn in for the night. Late.

The first night wearing my Silksleep mask was divine!  I was totally exhausted and drifted right off to sleep almost immediately.  I woke the next morning still wearing it and feeling refreshed.

If there’s one thing that always makes us appreciate how well our babies sleep, it’s rough ones.  Thanks to stuffy noses and teething, the past week hasn’t been conducive to sleep.  The quads have literally taken turns ensuring George and I find our sleep interrupted at least two or three times per night.  The challenge of waking from a deep slumber to tend to a baby is getting back to sleep.  My sleep mask proved very helpful in returning to sleep.  When I go to bed I’m usually unaware of all the lights illuminating our bedroom.  The street lights spill through the curtains and all of our various electronic devices shed green hues about the room.  In the wee hours of the morning, these lights are glaringly intrusive to returning to sleep, but my Silksleep mask blocked it all out, allowing me to return to a peaceful state faster.  With so many nights of babies going bump in the night, I found myself needing a bit of a power nap while they take their afternoon nap.  My Silksleep mask is fantastic for that too!  No better way to block out the afternoon sunshine than with a mask!  I’m hopeful that the babies’ stuffy noses will soon heal and their teeth will finally erupt so we all get back to our sleep utopia.  However, I’ve been really pleased with my sleep mask especially for those pesky middle of the night wakings and much needed naps.  Even the night I slept without disruptions, I believe my mask helped me maintain a peaceful sleep.

I haven’t had my mask long enough to attest to this yet, but Silksleep’s masks are designed to help skin retain moisture and reduce the appearance of fine lines.  Given my state of sleep deprivation, I’m certainly hopeful!  I dutifully slather on eye cream before heading off to bed.

What measures do you take to help ensure a good night’s rest?

P. S. If you’d like to try one of Silksleep’s luxurious sleep masks or any of their other silk bed linens (they have an array of bed linens and other sleep accessories), they are extending a special offer: 10% off orders from our readers.  Simply enter ADORE10 as a promotional code at checkout.

I would like to extend a special thank you to Silksleep for providing me with one of their 100% silk sleep masks for review.  I received no other compensation and all opinions expressed are 100% my own.

The Little Things Thursdays: Installment #34

Amber 5 Comments

In honor of Thursday, it’s time to link up with A Beautiful Ruckus as we recall the little things that brightened our week.

1.  Three times is a charm for scheduling quad play dates.  Since our quad buddies, The Bell Quad Squad, settled into their new home, we’ve been trying to arrange a play date.  Thanks to toddler hood and increased outings, both sets of quads have gotten a few colds, causing us to postpone.  On Monday, it FINALLY happened!  I brought the babies for their first play date in the Bell Romper room (e.g. amazing, over sized quad-proof living room).   The babies and I always enjoy time outside of our home, exploring new places.  There’s no place better to visit than the home of other multiples.  The Bell home is equipped with everything we need from four pack ‘n’ plays to a quad table.  Plus, other parents of multiples are tolerant of multiples.  For example, Amber wasn’t ruffled when three of my four screamed bloody murder after being put down for nap.  Amber and I really enjoyed each other’s company and have exciting plans for another play date in the near future.  Stay tuned for that!

The Quad Squad has many familiar toys and some novel ones too. The babies enjoyed playing with this toy, which is identical to one we used to have (I got antsy and purged it a few months ago). They LOVED seeing it again.

The Quad Squad has many familiar toys and some novel ones too. The babies enjoyed playing with this toy, which is identical to one we used to have (I got antsy and purged it a few months ago). They LOVED seeing it again.

Capturing four toddlers in a single picture proved impossible. This was my best attempt. I spy seven babies and it looks like total mayhem.

Capturing four toddlers in a single picture proved impossible. This was my best attempt. I spy seven babies and it looks like total mayhem.

For lunch time, each set of quads took turns in the quad table. I thought it was cute how they peered at each other through the bars on the fence as if they were jailbirds.

For lunch time, each set of quads took turns in the quad table. I thought it was cute how they peered at each other through the bars on the fence as if they were jailbirds.

2.  With the promise of fall weather coming, I brought the babies’ fall clothing boxes down, washed and sorted everything.  My friend, Jen, helped me work on the girls portion Tuesday and I was incredibly thankful for that!  I started going batty trying to match twin sets, coordinated outfits, and sort by size and gender.  With each seasonal change, I find the task of clothing transitions daunting.  At the same time, I am overjoyed with the generosity of our friends and family who clothe our babies with gifts and hand-me-downs.  We are abundantly blessed by others, and in turn we are able to share our things with many other families behind us.

As I sorted, babies had fun jumping onto the clothes pile and carrying items away. Harper was a willing model to try new sizes from our fall collection.

As I sorted, babies had fun jumping onto the clothes pile and carrying items away. Harper was a willing model to try new sizes from our fall collection.

3.  We order many things for our home online these days so we are no stranger to UPS boxes.  This week, I was delighted to find an unexpected delivery all the way from Italy.  My mom’s cousin, Debbie, sent us these stunning blown glass turtle figurines.  She told us that she spotted them in a store front window and immediately recalled our sea turtle story.  There’s nothing that warms my heart more than when seeing sea turtles remind others of our story.

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I found the perfect place for our new turtles in the entry way below our family portraits.

4. Since Mason’s plagiocephaly was corrected by his DOC band, he was given a formal assessment by Early Childhood Intervention this morning.  I was so proud of our little man.  He worked very hard to follow directions and scored within his age range or above in all areas.  Therefore, he’s graduated from Early Childhood Intervention services!  Hooray!!!

What brought you joy this week?

hugs,

Amber

P.S. I’d like to extend a thank you to the Itz, Reese, Clements, McKenzie, Lawson, and Parr families for sharing their clothes with us!  You should be seeing some of your clothes show up on our babies in the near future.

Why Parenting is like Religion & Politics

Amber 27 Comments

Why Parenting

Since joining the ranks of parenthood, I am painfully aware of how parenting choices and styles are polarizing, much like religion and politics.  Everyone has an opinion and naturally theirs is THE ONE.  Each day when I log on to my Facebook account, I am assaulted by the plethora of shared posts that make claims of how and why parents should do certain things, or not.  Everyone seems to have a strong opinion about all things parenting from when to introduce solid foods to when kids should start school.    I’m not talking about when people share tips/ tricks about what they find helpful (isn’t that what I often do here?).  One can simply take or leave such advice, that’s simple.  I’m referring more to articles that put down other methods and claim to monopolize the truth or attempt to make other parents feel insecure about their decisions.  The majority of the time, I find that posts or articles of this nature are not substantiated by scientific research, but are mere opinions of the authors.  I feel confident in the parenting choices I make with my spouse, carefully discerning what’s best for us.  I don’t think my children need to be saved from our parenting style.

Here’s the deal: when it comes to your kids, I think you should have opinions about what you chose to do and what fits your family’s needs, and those decisions should be well thought.  However, I’m baffled at the way some parents stake righteous claims, putting down and sometimes condemning the choices of others.  Like so many things in life, there are multiple ways to parent a child.  While one method may work perfectly for your family, it may not be the best means for another.

For example, George and I found Babywise to be helpful to us in getting our quadruplets to sleep through the night and follow a schedule.  We did not follow it strictly, but we used it to inspire our parenting choices, and it worked well for us.  I felt highly insulted when a friend posted claims and articles about how Babywise was abusive and caused psychological damage. On the other hand, another friend publicly admitted she planned to be a “Babywise Mom”, but did everything just the opposite.  She did not condemn Babywise at all, but instead admitted she found another way that worked for her family.  I appreciated her take immensely.  Will I follow her lead and co bed and feed on demand?  Nope.  Do I respect her decision? Absolutely!

Another hot button issue for me is about when to turn car seats around.  There is currently a buzz about keeping children rear facing until school age.  I agree it is probably best practice; however in accordance with both our vehicle and car seat manufacturer’s guidelines (age and weight requirements), we turned two of our car seats around.  Gasp! I know, they’re under age two, and that’s not what many are recommending.  At the same time, rear facing four toddlers is a monumental task.  With all four no longer in infant seats, we were forced to load two babies via the back hatch and pull dangerous Gumby maneuvers to do it.  Thanks to my Diastasis Recti, my back radiated pain with each loading/ unloading.  Furthermore, keeping a rear facing seat behind the driver meant the driver could not safely operate the accelerator and breaks because the driver’s seat was so close to the steering wheel.  Really, aside from a daycare van, no vehicle is intended to hold four infant seats anyways.  Some may say we’re making excuses.  Okay.  I’d say we are making a choice that works for our family, and we’re comfortable with it.  There are plenty more examples, but I’m sure you get the point by now.

Earlier in the week, I posted about 5 Things I’d NEVER do.  Reflecting on our current family status, it became apparent to me that my viewpoints, habits, and decisions changed drastically after having quadruplets.  There is absolutely no way to know what you may or may not do in a given situation until you are in it.  So why pass judgements?  Even parents of high order multiples the same age as ours may find different methods work best for their family.  That’s because each family is absolutely unique.

When it comes down to it, I believe that parents attempt to force their opinions on others as a means of validation that they are right, and it’s easy to hide behind online means to do it.  Instead, I’d love to see parents make their own decisions, sharing what they find helpful and simply respect the parenting styles of their peers who differ.  I know I shouldn’t get ruffled when I see polarizing posts, I just wish others would share their views in a less judgmental, black/ white way sometimes.

What parenting choices have you made that were criticized by others?

hugs,

Amber

The Little Things Thursdays: Installment #33

Amber 7 Comments

Since today is Thursday, it’s time to link up with Rebecca at A Beautiful Ruckus for the Little Things Thursdays.  Each week, we take time to reflect upon some of the small things that made the week special.

1. Today the babies and I took a field trip to visit my Grandma at her home.  It was no easy feat getting the four of them and myself ready to leave the house, but it was totally worth it.  We came to visit Grandma, but brightened the day of the other residents in the process.  Mom and I strolled the babies through the dining room during lunch stopping just a minute to chat with each table.  I don’t think the residents could have been more happy to see the babies.  Mom told me they seemed much more spry and delighted than on a typical day.  Hearing that made my day. I thought it was really cute how the residents asked appropriate questions such as the babies names, ages, and whether they could walk.  Not one person asked if the babies were “natural”, that was refreshing.

The babies clearly enjoyed soaking up all the attention.  Even the boys flashed toothy grins and waved Miss America fashion.  One of the sweet ladies, honored us by giving a treasured Blessed Mary medallion to keep in the babies’ nurseries.  She told me she kept it nearly 50 years and was waiting to find someone to bless with it, and she chose us.  Very special indeed!

The parakeets were an entertaining amenity at Grandma's place.

The parakeets were an entertaining amenity at Grandma’s place.

After our visit in the dining room, we let the babies loose in Grandmas room to burn off some energy. Oh how the babies LOVE seeing their reflection in a mirror. When they spotted Grandma's mirror, they each darted to it.

After our visit in the dining room, we let the babies loose in Grandmas room to burn off some energy. Oh how the babies LOVE seeing their reflection in a mirror. When they spotted Grandma’s mirror, they each darted to it.

Grandma kissed each baby on the forehead as we bid our farewells.

Grandma kissed each baby on the forehead as we bid our farewells.

2. We’ve been working very hard on teaching the babies to make environmental and animal sounds.  They don’t all have all the animal sounds, but they’ve each mastered a few.  I compiled a short video of each baby demonstrating their favorite animal sound.

3. George and I took the babies to Costco last week and found our favorite Sherpa blanket on sale for $15.  We bought one a few years ago that we LOVE, but it’s getting a bit tatty.  We decided it was prudent to snag another.  When I spread it out on the rug, the babies all snuggled up in it togehter.  Even they knew it was far more plush than the old one.

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4. What’s not to love about this picture???

George was sitting on the couch with Mason when Rylin signed, "please" to join them. Before we knew it all four wanted to be there with him.

George was sitting on the couch with Mason when Rylin signed, “please” to join them. Before we knew it all four wanted to be there with him.

5. My vintage Cabbage Patch dolls have been in the nurseries since my bed rest days.  I thought they added a little charm to the nurseries.  Recently, the babies learned to “feed” them bottles and play food.  This week, Rylin started carrying this one around.  Ironically it is a “preemie” Cabbage Patch Kid, and it’s dressed in the girls’ old clothes from the NICU.  Since real men help take care of babies, Harper partook in Cabbage Patch feedings as well.  There is video footage to prove it.

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What bright spots made your week special?

Hugs!

Amber

The Screaming Quadruplets

Amber 15 Comments

Today was one of those days.  You know, the kind your mother warns you about.  For no discernible reason, the babies were cantankerous all day.  There was A LOT of screaming coming from the walls of our home and I didn’t seem to have the power to harness it.  I exhausted my bag of tricks by noon.  I even resorted to reviving our old dancing, singing Elmo doll.  He appeased the babies for a moment, then they screamed over who could touch it.  Afternoon nap could not arrive soon enough.  At 2:00 pm central time, all babies were in their cribs for nap.  Peace flooded our home for exactly 45 minutes and then, more screaming.  When I say screaming, I don’t mean just a little fussing.  I mean blood curdling, irate stuff complete with red faces and sniveling noses.  Clearly, these babies woke on the wrong side of the crib today.

While the babies noshed their afternoon snack of graham crackers and milk, I decided they were getting their evening bath immediately after snack.  Baths are relaxing for adults so I figured a bath could calm babies too.  This was going to be a fun bath too.  I whipped up a batch of tub paints from a recipe I found online.  Then, I drew warm bathwater while the babies finished the last of their snack.  They were all safely contained in the quad table so I was unconcerned.  I was gone approximately one minute, and that’s all the time it took for Harper to reach to the center of the quad table and grab the box of cornstarch used to make the paint.  He dumped the entire thing all over himself.  A pile of snowy white matter caked his eyelashes, hands, arms, and lap.  The other three babies stared at him in awe and envy as he happily spread cornstarch everywhere.

At that moment, I wanted to throw a tantrum, but contained myself.  I fouled up and left cornstarch within his reach.  Mommy fail.  Harper seemed to be having a grand time with a little messy sensory play so I decided his siblings might as well join him.  After all, the mess was already made.  I did, however, strip the other three down to their diapers to preserve their clothing.  For a solid 20 minutes there was not a single scream and the babies were enthralled in the mess before them.  I knew it was going to be a real beast to clean up, but the calm was totally worth it.

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Once the babies became bored and antsy, it was time for the bath I prepared. The problem: I was alone and had four babies covered in cornstarch. How on earth could I transport them from the kitchen, through the den, down the hall and into the bathroom without making a trail? I certainly wasn’t letting them loose, and I couldn’t well take them one at a time and plop them in the tub. I recalled Harper’s “happy place”, aka a laundry basket. I snagged an empty laundry basket from the laundry room and piled all four into it, then took them on a ride to the bathroom. They loved this adventure and didn’t scream a bit. They did, however, let me know they weren’t all keen on the bath thing. I scrubbed them down as fast as I could manage and started piling them out one by one. By the time I got to the third baby, it was getting really cramped in the bathroom and babies were getting into mischief. Did I mention that Harper knows how to unroll toilet paper, flush the toilet, and open the step trashcan? He does.

For my sanity, I ushered Mason, Harper, and Rylin out of the bathroom, shut the door and planned to quickly dress Sydney without interruptions. I figured it would take under 30 seconds to do this. Then I heard it. A  loud, foreign clang. I listened intently trying to make sense of it. I knew it was coming from the front of the house, which is off limits to babies. I snapped Sydney’s onsie and darted to the kitchen where three babies encircled Lily’s dog bowl and enjoyed a buffet of kibble. Seriously? They are becoming finicky eaters these days and they want salmon sweet potato kibble? I’m not entirely sure what happened in the remaining hours before George returned home, but I have hazy memories of sweeping, dinner miraculously being prepared, and an Elmo DVD.

Maybe Harper was onto something, the babies needed a change of pace to liven their spirits. They really enjoyed the mess. I don not, however recommend cornstarch for sensory play. It took FOREVER to sweep up. I'm certain there are still remnants in our grout.

Maybe Harper was onto something.  Clearly, the babies needed a change of pace to improve their moods. They really enjoyed the mess. I do not, however, recommend cornstarch for sensory play. It took FOREVER to sweep up. I’m certain there are still remnants in our grout, which will last years.

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Necessity is the mother of invention.

Each day, the five of us look forward to George’s return from work, but today I was exceptionally excited to see him.  The babies were thrilled with his homecoming perhaps just as much.  Once all four babies were safely tucked into bed I invented a cocktail I’ll affectionately call, “The Screaming Quadruplets”.  It’s a light beverage, but is a nice way to unwind if you’ve spent a day with screaming quadruplets (or screaming babies in general).

I sliced a handful of grapes and lined two wine glasses with them. Then, I poured 1/2 a shot of peach schnapps over the grapes and swizzled them a bit. I filled each wine glass about 3/4 of the way with pink moscato and topped it off with 7 up.

I sliced a handful of grapes and lined two wine glasses with them. Then, I poured 1/2 a shot of peach schnapps over the grapes and swizzled them a bit. I filled each wine glass about 3/4 of the way with pink moscato and topped it off with 7 up.

The Screaming Quadruplet

The Screaming Quadruplets

Better luck tomorrow.

 

Amber

5 Things I’d NEVER Do

Amber 10 Comments

As a younger version of myself, I was highly opinionated and judgmental of those around me.  I had black and white views of how the world should operate and was very certain about how I would handle my future.  I had plans for everything and knew how it would all play out.  As life unfolds, I’m learning how the circumstances of our lives help mold and shape us.   I strongly believe that God uses these circumstances in our lives to help us open our minds and hearts. As my friend and fellow quad mom Becky says, “He really does like to throw us curveballs sometimes doesn’t He?”  I have to chuckle at myself when I compile a list of some of my “I’d NEVER…”

1. Get a Yorkie

George and I are undoubtedly dog lovers, and we’ve always preferred the company of small dogs.  I think it’s partially because I’m small and I’m totally overwhelmed by dogs my size or larger.  Shortly after we were married, I convinced George we needed a puppy in our family.  One Sunday afternoon, we grazed the Sunday paper (back then Craigslist wasn’t the rage) seeking a small puppy in our price range.  We were on a shoestring budget so our choices were slim, but we knew we wanted a small dog that was NOT a Yorkie.  Why?  Yorkies look absolutely precious, but are notoriously difficult to train, have copious amounts of energy, and are destructive despite small stature.   We left phone messages on approximately six answering machines (yes, before voice mail), and only one breeder returned our call.  Thus, our Peke a Poo, Sasha, joined our family.  Sasha was our baby and we treated her as such.

As the years passed, we began talk of starting a family and were heartbroken when plans failed repeatedly.  I desperately wanted to hit “snooze” on my biological clock.   Then one day, my sister called telling me she was trying to help a friend re home a Yorkie puppy.  At that time, I desperately needed to fill a void.  I needed to nurture someone and Sasha was not a puppy anymore.  Without hesitation, I agreed to foster this puppy.  I knew full well she’d steal our hearts and would find a forever home at our house, but told George we were “fostering” her.  The night Lily was delivered to our house, she was in a pink leopard bag wearing a pink tutu dress.  I could have sworn this puppy once belonged to Paris HIlton.  At first, Lily was the worst puppy ever.  She was a Tasmanian devil of sorts.  She destroyed house plants, gnawed a hole in our carpet, and urinated on EVERYTHING.  However, I was determined to train this puppy to be an honorable family member.  I poured my energy into training her, and it was exactly what I needed then.  It took me nearly nine months, but I achieved the impossible.  I potty trained a Yorkie puppy among other obedience commands.  Lily is a fantastic dog who loves her family dearly, quads included.  Lily made me eat my words and, we have a Yorkie in our family.

This is the pink dress Lily was wearing the night we got her.

This is the pink dress Lily was wearing the night we got her.

Even though she was a Holy Terror, Lily really did melt our hearts. She was a four month old, two pound puppy with a big heart.

Even though she was a Holy Terror, Lily really did melt our hearts. She was a four month old, two pound puppy with a big heart.

Lily is the kind of dog who lets Sydney rub her belly (with supervision).

Now, Lily is the kind of dog who lets Sydney rub her belly (with supervision).

2. Drive a van

Even with hopes of a family, I always retorted I would NEVER drive a van.  Who needs a van when there is an array of trendy SUVs to choose from?  I figured I’d become an SUV driving soccer mom like everyone else in our suburban community.  I mean literally, “Suburban” community.  Practically everyone drives a Suburban, or something similar.  Plans changed the day we discovered that four babies were in our immediate future.   The Honda Accord nor the Jeep Liberty we owned could capacitate four infant seats.  When we set out to purchase a family vehicle, we were limited to seven passenger models and SUVs in our price range just weren’t big enough.  To my chagrin, the van really isn’t that bad.  It’s not as chic as some other options, but it has wonderful amenities that are family friendly, namely the automatic doors.  When loading/ unloading four babies it really doesn’t matter so much what the people mover looks like, it’s all about practicality.  And, the van gets the job done.  Thus, I drive a van.

Here;s the van we bought to hold the quads. I think we should keep it until they are old enough to drive it.

Here’s the van we bought to hold the quads. I think we should keep it until they are old enough to drive it.

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3. Have more than two children

If you’ve ever seen a few episodes of Super Nanny, you probably noticed all of the families have three or more children.  Why? Because when the children outnumber the parents, things often go awry.  George and I always planned on having two children.  We wanted our children to have a sibling, but planned on having a 1:1 parent/ child ratio.  Obviously, that’s not what happened.  Instead of having a 1:1 parent/ child ratio, we’ve learned that 1:1: hand/ child ratio works perfectly in our house.  Each day with the quads is a new one and we realize we can handle more than we ever anticipated.  As it turns out, more than two children is just right for us.

A few years ago, I couldn't fathom a life filled with four children. Now I can't imagine what life would be without them. They fill our lives with so much joy.

A few years ago, I couldn’t fathom a life filled with four children. Now I can’t imagine what life would be without them. They fill our lives with so much joy.

4. Speak publicly (on my own accord)

Public speaking tops my list of things I’d rather not.  The thought of public speaking spurs on enough anxiety for sweat to begin dripping and my stomach to start knotting.  Yet, I’ve done my share of public speaking thanks to graduate school and my profession.  I’ve never wanted to public speak, but have done it out of sheer necessity, hating every loathsome second.  Amazingly, I spoke at a public event a few weeks age because I wanted to and I felt good about it.  Because of my passion for helping every baby thrive, I agreed to speak at the Infant Mortality Summit kick off event.  Public speaking is still not my forte, but on the right topic, I feel capable.

Here I am public speaking and feeling confident about it.

Here I am public speaking and feeling confident about it.

5. Take shortcuts with my children

When I was an aspiring parent, I had all sorts of grandiose ideas about what I would or would not do.  I’m sure every parent was like this prior to becoming a parent.  In my days of daydreaming, I scoffed at “taking shortcuts” with my kids because I was setting out to be Super Mom of course.  Even when I was expecting quads, I had no plans of bottle propping.  It’s frowned upon by all the experts as it poses a choking hazard.  I also headed the advice of the American Academy of Pediatrics regarding television exposure in infants.  They suggest NO television until after age two.  I really wanted to follow the “rules”, being the rule-bound person I am.  However, when the reality of caring four four infants hit me, I learned quickly that my adherence to rules had to change and flexibility was key.  I work feverishly to do my best for my children, but some shortcuts literally preserve my sanity.  So, I caved and I bottle propped and let the babies watch some limited television during the day.

One evening, the quads enjoyed an Elmo movie in their new tent given to us from a friend.

One evening, the quads enjoyed an Elmo movie in their new tent given to us from a friend.

Instead of saying, “Id never”, I now say, “I don’t plan to….but you never know”, and I allow God’s will to open my eyes to new possibilities every day.

What was on your list of “I’d NEVER…” that you found yourself doing?

hugs!

Amber

The Little Things Thursday: Installment #32

Amber 6 Comments

Yesterday our nation paused to remember one of the most tragic days in our history- the day the World Trade Center crashed down at the hands of terrorists.  12 years ago, that day devastated the nation as we felt our sense of security unravel before our eyes.  With the passage of time, our wounds have healed and we’ve gone back to our daily routines, feeling safe again.  Because of events like those, it makes the simple things in life that much sweeter and worth savoring.  Thus, it is apropos for us to pause and reflect upon our weekly highlights as we link up with A Beautiful Ruckus for The Little Things Thursdays.

1. For the first time, Aunt CiCi, the girls and I had a “Girls Day”.  Six months ago, my sister generously gave me spending money for my birthday, to purchase post-baby clothing.  I’m ashamed to say, I after six months I had not carved out the time to spend it.  Thus, the four of us hit the mall to help mama find some new duds.  There we dined in the food court with a grand view of the carousel.  Following our food court fare, we hit several shops where my sister pulled clothes from the racks for me to try, then entertained the girls with the use of mirrors while I tried them on.  The girls were exceptionally well-behaved, until the nap time hour approached.  We were trapped in a fitting room at Ann Taylor when Rylin had a temper tantrum and a foul odor trailed from Sydney’s bloomers.  Clearly, the other store patrons wanted us OUT.  We could not escape fast enough!  Yet, that embarrassing moment in a mall fitting room was something I yearned for many years.  It meant I finally had a family and we were doing something “normal” on a Sunday afternoon.

The girls were totally enamored with seeing their beautiful reflections staring back at them.

The girls were totally enamored with seeing their beautiful reflections staring back at them.

And the mirror helped us capture a group picture without bothering a passerby.

And the mirror helped us capture a group picture without bothering a passerby.

We planned to ride the carousel, but the girls were content just watching it so we saved a few bucks.

We planned to ride the carousel, but the girls were content just watching it so we saved a few bucks.

I'm not sure what transpired during "Guys Day" at home. Definately some football watching and mess making. Mason was dressed like this upon my return home. Notice something funny?

I’m not sure what transpired during “Guys Day” at home. Definitely some football watching and mess making. Mason was dressed like this upon my return home. Notice something funny?

 

2. When I popped a bag of popcorn for myself, I learned that the rest of my family enjoys it just as much as I do.  In less than a minute’s time, I was encircled by 12 puppy dog eyes (four of which belonged to the fur babies) begging for a morsel of my treat.  It became a lesson in sitting and waiting patiently for all of them.

I can't recall who started this snack frenzy, the dogs or the babies..

I can’t recall who started this snack frenzy, the dogs or the babies..

 

3. The babies are not allowed in the kitchen unless they are buckled into the quad table.  This week, we set up a water play station in the kitchen and the babies seemed to enjoy kitchen exploration more than the water.

I think the girls noticed their reflection in the dishwasher door, much like the store mirrors at the mall.

I think the girls noticed their reflection in the dishwasher door, much like the store mirrors at the mall.

The underside of the quad table is fascinating.

The underside of the quad table is fascinating.

What little rays of sunshine filled your week?

hugs,

Amber

Navigating the NICU

Amber 6 Comments

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Over the past few weeks, we’ve returned to Cook Children’s where the babies resided the first seven weeks of their life. Thankfully, we’ve not returned as patients, but as visitors.  We returned to deliver a presentation, and also to visit a friend and her twins who are currently in the NICU.

Turning the corner to the NICU corridor back brought back a flood of emotions and memories.  I recalled fond memories of milestones being reached, but there were others I repressed.  Our experience in the NICU was a good one and we were pleased with our care.  Yet, it still was a NICU journey and there were many frightening, difficult moments. The twins are on the same floor where our babies stayed and it brought me back to a difficult place.  After reporting to the NICU for 49 days, there were quite a few things I learned along the way.  If I could rewind the clocks, here are the things I’d tell myself (and why).

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1. Become an active participant in your baby’s care ASAP

In the early days of NICU life, I remember feeling detached from the babies as we peered at them in their little boxes. I was terrified I’d contaminate them or break something, but honestly they needed our gentle touch. George reminded me several times that the wires were not life sustaining, but merely monitored the babies, and that gave me confidence to touch them.

I recall the nurses teaching me how to gently touch their fragile skin (stroking causes preemies pain). I gradually began spending increasing amounts of time just cradling them in my hands through isolette windows as I spoke to them, encouraging them to grow stronger. It wasn’t long before their IV’s were removed and we could finally hold our babies, which meant I could even do more. One of our nurses taught me how to do the “cares”, which involved swabbing their mouths out, changing diapers, checking body temperature, and moving their pulse ox (oxygen monitor) from one foot to the other every three hours. Being able to do those small things helped me bond with the babies, learn their unique qualities, and finally feel as if they were mine.

2. Don’t be afraid to ask questions

Being in a hospital in general, let alone the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit, can be intimidating.  With the quads, we found ourselves surrounded by numerous professionals who tossed technical jargon around as if we were medical school graduates.  Several weeks passed that I called the babies’ Pulse Ox (Oximeter) “Pole Socks”.  At first, I felt foolish forcing them to stop and explain things, but I learned how important it was.   As parents, it is important to know what is happening in your baby’s care and be a stakeholder, advocating for someone without a  voice.

3. Bond with staff

We spent a few weeks in the NICU before I learned about “Primary Nurses”. These are nurses who agree to tend to particular patients every time they are on shift. Our primary nurses became imperative team members in the care of our babies. They knew each baby’s nuances, cheered for them, and fought for them (and me). When George went back to work, I spent many days in the NICU alone. I felt helpless, isolated and lonely some of the time. When our primary nurses were there, they not only helped our babies, but kept my spirits up and taught me a wealth of knowledge regarding how to care for a preemie. One nurse even helped make sure I got the Medela pump that worked best for me, even though it meant she had to retrieve and clean it every three hours.

It was vital that when we left our babies, we felt confident in their care takers and that those care takers respected us as parents. By spending my days at the NICU, the nurses and other hospital staff came to know me and in turn wanted our babies to thrive even more. When we were away, they took time to dress the babies to match their linens, make name plates for their cribs, and snapped pictures of things we missed. They did all that not only because they cared, but they knew we did too.

To show our appreciation, I occasionally brought our nurses warm cookies from the cafeteria or a Starbucks drink.

4. Take time for yourself, and your partner

At first, NICU life was somewhat novel and we were absorbing all sorts of knew information. A few weeks in, it got to be nearly too much for me to bear. I felt defeated and that we may never leave the NICU. I needed a break from my new routine of spending the entire day at the NICU only going home to shower and sleep. At that point, George and I enjoyed a few date nights, time with friends, and I did some shopping. I admittedly felt a tinge of guilt for leaving the babies alone when I could physically be there, but I needed breaks for mental health. One night, we even enjoyed a few cocktails and I did the whole “pump and dump” thing with my milk. While breast milk was like liquid gold I didn’t want to toss it, but I needed just an evening for me, even if that meant sacrificing a few ounces of milk.

5. Meet your social worker

I did not meet our social worker until weeks into our NICU stay and I wished I befriended her immediately.  She had knowledge about how to access resources and services we needed, such as how to apply for multiple birth programs.   Because I met her late in the game, Sydney did not receive benefits she was entitled to based on birth weight.

5. Bring items from home

We were fortunate that our NICU had all private rooms with many amenities including a fold out sofa, television, and laundry facilities. In addition to those things, they provided things such as baby clothing, baby wash, and dish soap (for pump parts and bottles). However, over the course of our stay, I brought other creature comforts to help us feel as at home with the babies as possible. If our NICU nurses had not made name plates, I would have done that as well because it would personalize the space for us. I have a page devoted to items we kept at the NICU in case others would like to know.

6. Welcome visitors

As I mentioned, I spent the majority of my time in the NICU alone. The NICU is a place where emotions are high and being there alone can be intimidating. Fortunately, our NICU allowed four visitors per day (one per baby) and as best we could, we welcomed friends and family to come. Even if someone dropped by for just 30 minutes, that brightened my day. Because of our private rooms, I believe that visiting rules may have been more lax than at other places. If our NICU was more strict, I think I would have welcomed visitors to meet me at the hospital for lunch or coffee at the very least.

Despite welcoming visitors, we were strict regarding who could come visit. Before the babies were even born, we sent a memo to friends and family explaining the precautions we were taking to protect the babies’ health. These precautions were in place during our NICU stay and for the first 7 months the babies were at home. I believe that our efforts, while taxing, were worthwhile. After all, we did not have a sick visit to the doctor until after the babies’ first birthday. That is incredible considering the average baby battles eight colds in the first year!

7. capture memories

We took plenty of pictures documenting the babies’ milestones while in the NICU- the first time we held each of them, first baths, and bottle feedings.  What we avoided, was documenting when they were fragile because I feared preserving those memories.  Now that we have been away from the NICU over a year, I would like to reflect upon the progress the babies made, but there is little proof.  I also took very few video clips, and the ones I have are primarily from when the babies were near discharge.  Seeing the twins in the NICU made me want to remember how our babies were once so tiny, but I have no video to review.

Fortunately, our NICU had an art therapist on staff who helped us create memories through art.  The babies painted a canvas with their foot prints and molds of their feet.  I am in awe each time I pass their first masterpiece hanging in the playroom.  If it weren’t for our art therapist, I may have missed out on creating art.  However, it would be simple to do even without a therapist, and I’d recommend doing it.

8. Find someone who can relate

I was fortunate to have a network of other moms of quadruplets to support me in the NICU journey and give advice and tips for dealing with the NICU.  However, that support was solely online.  With the help of a few thoughtful nurses,  I was fortunate enough to meet a mom of triplets born five days after the quads in our same NICU.  Meeting another mom in person who was right there dealing with the same things simultaneously was immensely helpful.  In fact, we continue to maintain communication, supporting each other along the way and we’ve held play dates!

When we returned to visit the twins, George and I took turns watching our own babies in the family play area of the hospital.  I think they too enjoyed being on the other side of things at the hospital.

I only wish we had a space in our house large enough for a padded play area.

I only wish we had a space in our house large enough for a padded play area.

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After the babies had a good romp in the play area, we retreated to the cafeteria for a brown bag dinner.

After the babies had a good romp in the play area, we retreated to the cafeteria for a brown bag dinner.

hugs!

Amber

P.S. In reading the archives from when the babies were in the NICU, I made a great effort to stay positive.  Yet, I think I marginalized some of the things we endured, and consequently made it seem easy.  For parents currently dealing with a NICU stay, we encountered these things-

respiratory distress- CPAP, oxygen, nasal cannulas; jaundice- bilirubin lights, collapsed lung- chest tube surgically placed, reflux- milk fortifiers/ thickeners, Dani sling, pneumonia- IV antibiotics, MRI- white matter trauma, grade I brain bleed, car seat tests, bradycardias, de sats, caffeine drips, PIC line (through a vein in Sydney’s head because the tiny veins in her arms, legs and feet collapsed.  this was horrifying), transpiloric feeding tube, gravity feeds, occupational therapy, physical therapy, blood panels, platelet transfusion, low birth weight, anemia- poly vi sol

The Little Things Thursdays: Installment #31

Amber 9 Comments

Since today is Thursday, it’s time to link up with Rebecca at A Beautiful Ruckus as we highlight some of the little moments that made our week special.

1. I am always in awe of how fathers and mothers engage with their children differently.  Sometimes I find myself getting aggravated when George doesn’t do things “my way”.  However, the majority of the time, he’s quite clever.  When the babies were fussy one day, I stumbled upon him juggling their nesting cups.  He had a captive audience!

juggling

Now that the babies have reasonable balance, they are all adept at sitting on the hearth and getting down safely.  Amen.

2. Each time I fold laundry Harper slips into my basket.  The other night, he was cranky, but became calm after crawling into the laundry basket.  It then occurred to me that it’s his “happy place”.

Harper

The only problem with this is that he messes up my folding routine.

3. After George and I delivered a presentation at the hospital last week, I was finally able to take the babies to meet Dr. Tabor.  We are forever grateful for prenatal care he provided and his keen, watchful eye that helped me carry the babies so far.  He was so funny after meeting them, he wanted to know which baby was the “Alpha”.  Any ideas who I named as “Alpha”?

Dr. Tabor

When taking pictures with quadruplets, you get what you get.  We were lucky the babies weren’t screaming because it was past nap time and they ate lunch in their strollers while we waited for Dr. Tabor to finish with a patient.

While at the hospital, we also got to see Violet again.  She was one of the nurses who helped prep me for delivery and saw me through recovery.  While delivery day was exciting, it was also terrifying and Violet helped calm me for the event.  Also thanks to Violet, I was able to visit the babies in the NICU a few hours after delivery.

Violet

I’ll never forget the care I received from Violet and will thank her forever.

4.  We are working really hard to transition the babies from a pureed food diet to finger foods.  They are doing well with this for the most part.  However, Syndey, in particular is averse to picking up wet or slimy textures.  This means getting her to eat fruits and veggies as finger foods is almost impossible.  Nonetheless, I consistently offer her slices of fruit and veggies the other babies scarf down.  I see her eye them, but she never picks them up and she typically spits them out if I spoon feed them to her.  Today she turned a corner and picked up watermelon.  Granted, she didn’t eat it, but she picked it up and examined it for a long time.  It’s major progress!

Sydney

I became ecstatic when some of her watermelon went missing.  Then I realized it fell into the pocket of her bib.

watermelon

At one point, Sydney had a piece of watermelon in each hand and she gleefully clapped them together.

5. If you follow us on Facebook, you may have seen that we have our first official walker!  Please drop by our page if you want to find out who.

What warmed your heart this week?

Hugs!

Amber

P. S. There is still time to enter our September to Remember $200 giveaway!  I’d really love one of our readers to win it, and you can only win if you enter.