Pregnancy

Let’s rewind a little more….there is a reason I can manage to stay calm about having quads (at least most of the time!)

November 22, 2011

Our miscarriage proved to be much more emotionally painful and difficult than I ever anticipated, and it happened right before the holiday season. George and I decided to take a trip to Mexico over Thanksgiving week as a means of reconnecting and leaving some of our pains behind. We wanted to find a “last minute deal” (by the way….I’m not sure if those actually exist) so we didn’t book until about a week prior to the trip. I thought I found a wonderful hotel on the beach, but it didn’t quite live up to our expectations. I’ll say it was a little more “authentic” than the other hotels we visited in Mexico before. We learned that the water in our room was “non-potable”, the food was comparable to a school cafeteria at best, our sheets were made of some sort of weird rubber that was not cozy, and the building was made of some sort of concrete that funneled noise from the stairs to our room. Needless to say night one was rough and we didn’t sleep much. That night I remember praying to get through the tumultuous journey of infertility and for health and happiness.

We awoke apprehension about traveling over the Thanksgiving holiday. Should we have stayed home? Had we made a mistake? Nonetheless, we slathered ourselves in spf 50, got dressed, and headed out to take on the day all by 7:30 am. We had been to Puerto Vallarta in the prior year with George’s company so we went on a mission to walk down the beach several miles to where we stayed before. As much as I tried to avoid it, thoughts of infertility crept into my head as we walked along the beautiful coastline nestled between the mountains.

Then something amazing unfolded right in front of us. A group of four baby sea turtles was making their journey from their safe dry sandy nest to the sea. I have been to the beach many times during my life, but never in November, which is the time when sea turtles make this journey. Mother sea turtles spend their days in the ocean until nesting season when they take a huge risk to come inland to nest. Going inland is difficult for them as their bodies are built for ocean living not land. The mothers generally return to their own birthplace where they take time to find the right spot to lay their precious clutch. Once the baby turtles hatch, they instinctively crawl towards the water where they will spend their lives until they return to nest. Baby sea turtles are about the size of a small orange and stand out with their dark bodies along the sand so they are easy prey particularly for birds and lizards. We watched these babies trek through the sand for about 15 minutes and all four made it!

At that moment, I got an overwhelming, unexplainable feeling of calm that everything in my infertility world would eventually be okay. It was as if God was whispering a message directly into my ear. If a mother sea turtle can take the risk to nest and eventually her babies could make that trip, I knew that someday I will have babies that would survive like that too. It was a beautiful experience and I am grateful for it. I will think of these little guys when life gets tough; they never give up, they keep surviving. Here is one of the four making it to the water-

PS- A friend of mine later told me that sea turtles are a symbol of motherhood and fertility. Coincidence? I think not. Also, at the time, I didn’t think much of there being FOUR sea turtles, but now I look back at that moment as a sign that we were meant to have four.

Interestingly, the morning of the IUI, George and I were the only ones in the RE’s waiting room since it was New Year’s Day. The TV was on, but there was no sound. George looked at the screen and nonchalantly pointed out that there was a special about sea turtles on the screen. It reduced my pre-IUI anxiety tremendously because I thought of those little sea turtles on the beach. On our way home from the IUI, George and I stopped by the video store to rent a movie. In the new releases section was a documentary on sea turtles. These sea turtles seem to be constantly there as a reminder that it will be okay. I never in my wildest dreams imagined having quads, but I do believe we are going to be okay.

Okay….I am a bit behind on starting this blog since we are already almost 14 weeks along. I’m going to start out by rewinding a bit to where this all began.

January 16, 2012

The horrible, treacherous 2 week wait technically ended for me this past Sunday, but my beta (blood test done by the doctor to determine how much, if any pregnancy hormone is present) was yesterday. I did exceptionally well until about 10 days past IUI when I started to feel pregnant and my mind started going down all the rabbit trails. I held off on a home test until Sunday because I figured by then I’d get an accurate result. I debated about whether to go with the digital test (less sensitive, but easier to read) or the pink lines test (more sensitive, but dodgy to read). I was terrified to test because it would either make or break my day. I woke up early (mind you, it was still dark outside and it was Sunday) and snuck into the bathroom to test. I opted for the digital test. I figured I was or I wasn’t so pink line confusion wasn’t in the cards. To my delight I got a beautiful “pregnant” on the screen. I wanted to scream!!!! However, I didn’t want to wake George just yet. Instead, I put the stick on the counter by his sink and crept back into bed. He didn’t wake up for another hour or two. When he finally stumbled out of bed, I watched him fumble around in the bathroom and glance at the stick before heading into the water closet. After he was done in there, he came back to the sink and did a double take. He said something like, “Is this what I think it is????? I thought it was a toothbrush!” The poor guy is practically blind without his contacts so I’m sure he couldn’t read it, but had enough where-with-all to connect the dots. We kept it entirely to ourselves on Sunday and basked in it. I think a little piece of me was still worried the beta would come back negative despite the positive HPT.

Yesterday I had blood drawn in the morning and of course they didn’t call with the results until after hours (thank goodness I already did the HPT!). My poor mom on the other hand spent the day thinking it was bad news and that’s why I didn’t call. I think she panicked! When the nurse finally called, I had to get her to repeat the number twice….1212! (I wasn’t sure it was 12.12 or 1,112) OMG!!!!! For reference…..my last first beta was 119 and they want something over 50. Dr. Elkins said I got a good beta because of the black eyed peas I brought her on the day of the IUI (it was New Year’s Day). George protested it, but I knew that was good idea! Tomorrow I go back for a second beta. The RE said it probably won’t double, but should increase. We shall see.

So as this marks the end of my 2 week wait, I pray that it symbolizes the beginning of many new adventures. Before the New Year, I thought to myself, I hope this year will be the last time we go through all the milestones and holidays in a year without children so we can start celebrating firsts instead.

I don’t think I’ll be relaxed until I have a healthy baby in my arms. In the meantime I’ll remember my new mantra, “Worry does not empty tomorrow of it’s troubles. It empties today of it’s strength.”

January 18, 2012

Yesterday I went in for a second beta. It was 2779! Looks like it did double after all. I had a little panic when I read in my Mayo Clinic book that high betas can mean either multiples or a molar pregnancy (e.g. a big bunch of nothing!). I would be happy with multiples, its the bunch of nothing that is scary. Thankfully, a friend also dealing with infertility reassured me that my betas are nowhere near molar levels. Whew!!!!

It will be another week before the next beta. What I really want is to see an ultrasound though! I considered asking for an early one, but decided not to since it’s too early to see a heartbeat. That might bother me. This is like two week wait part two!!!!! Seriously, it is a FOUR week wait…..excruciating.

January 26, 2012

My third beta was 42,129!!!! The RE said that it was progressing right along.

February 2, 2012

When George and I went to the RE for my first ultrasound I felt pretty confident there was a healthy little bean (or two in there), but was still a little anxious for this first peek. Honestly, I felt confident since the first beta, but those little worries tend to creep up when I least expect them. We had absolutely no idea what surprise lie ahead. As soon as the RE began the ultrasound, I could see three prominent dark circles on the screen, but couldn’t see much else. I worried it was a lot of nothing in there. She started probing and pretty quickly found one baby with a fluttering heartbeat that we could hear! A huge sense of relief came over me. She kept probing a little more and George commented that he saw an empty sac. The RE agreed that one didn’t appear normal and was likely empty. She continued to probe and behold, she found another baby with a fluttering heartbeat we could hear. Okay, there were two viable ones. However, she wasn’t done yet, she probed more. Yep, there was a third little fluttering heartbeat. She was convinced there were triplets and a fourth grainy, empty sac. I thought so too. Yowzers, triplets! I never imagined having more than two! However, the other RE came in and wanted to check things out himself. He began to probe around and quickly found the three from before, but to our surprise, he found a FOURTH baby also with a fluttering heartbeat that we could hear. He said something about finding a little bonus. Um, did he say there were FOUR???? I don’t know what state of shock may have been on our faces, but I’m sure it was there. Both REs also seemed a little surprised and worried about finding a fourth one as well. My numbers this cycle were nearly identical to the prior cycle when there was only one. George crunched a lot of numbers and figured out that the chances of all four follicles producing a mature egg and being fertilized are about one in a million. Maybe we should buy a lotto ticket?

After getting lots of pictures of the little beans, the RE’s left me to get dressed so we could consult in the office. Once I got dressed, I think they left us to simmer in the office for about 15-20 minutes. It seemed like an eternity as our brains raced all over the map. I knew there was a procedure called “multi-fetal reduction”, which is generally recommended when there are high order multiples. The theory is that taking out one or two improves the viability of the others. When the RE returned to his office, George immediately told him that we would not consider a reduction, we were going with the four. How on earth could we consider taking one of these lives away as they were clearly meant to be? The RE talked to us about some things to expect and being referred to a high-risk OB. He also mentioned something about the body possibly “self-reducing” some of the babies. We were digesting quite a lot of information so I don’t think we asked many questions. We made another ultrasound appointment for a week later to check the progress.

When we got home, I only wished I had a ticker box to count the number of times George said “Four.” He must have said it hundreds of times within a matter of a few hours. What an adventure this will be!

For reference regarding beta numbers, check out this link at Beta Base: http://www.betabase.info/showBasicChart.php?type=Triplet