parenting multiples

I work out.

Amber Leave a comment

I work out

There’s a cute little t-shirt design circulating around my moms of multiples group with vinyl lettering stating, “I work out.  Just kidding!  I have quadruplets.”  I’ve informed hubby this would be an excellent gift for me because it’s quite accurate.

After people discover I have quadruplets, the next question is often “How are you so small?”  I don’t have a gym membership, and I don’t work out,  but seriously I don’t need to.  I HAVE QUADRUPLETS.  It’s a workout every. single. day.  all. day.  I don’t have a FitBit or similar gadget,  but if I did, it would most certainly indicate that I walk a gazillion steps each day.  I literally do not sit down until I’m going to bed, and when I do I conk out fast.  When when we sit down for family meals, I find myself getting up numerous times to take care of various things.  If you’d like to know what a typical “easy” day for me is, check out my diary on Fort Worth Child, here.  (my entry ends at 9:15, but at that point in the day I’m usually up tackling chores or whatever until at least 11:00 pm, sometimes even midnight.)  Before Christmas, we went to ICE! at the Gaylord with my sister and her fiance.  Much to our chagrin, each of us ended up toting a child clad in a huge parka through the line and exhibit.  It was undoubtedly a challenge for all of us.  I got a huge chuckle days later when George, Matt, and Courtney all complained of burning biceps, but I didn’t even notice.  I’m apparently used to lugging an extra 25-40 pounds and my biceps are well conditioned.

Sydney at the Gaylord Texan ICE exhibit

Gaylord Texan ICE 2015

A typical day for me is a decent workout, and then I have intense weight training and cardio days, like Monday.  Harper and Mason bounded into our room at about 6:30 am, and we immediately noticed Harper’s eyelashes were covered in gunk.  Pink Eye.  Definitely pink eye.  After peeling myself out of bed, I logged onto the computer and requested an 8:00 am appointment with the pediatrician.  It was the first one of the day, early, but I wanted to knock it out.  Plus, we had a play date planned with our quad buddies, the Bells.  There was a miniscule chance this gunk was non-contagious allergies, and if so I wanted to keep our playdate.  After requesting the appointment, I started scrambling to get everyone ready for the day.  I was feeling pretty accomplished.  All kids were dressed and fed by 7:15 am, and I donned my “mom uniform” aka yoga pants and a pullover (perfect for a work out!).  At about 7:30 am, George called and in a flustered tone said, “You’re going to kill me!”  I couldn’t imagine what sin he’d committed so early.  In a rush to get to work, he mistakenly took my car keys instead of his own.  This would be fine except there is only ONE key to my Explorer, and even worse, George was too far from home to turn around.  Scenarios began rushing through my head.

  1. I could cancel the appointment.  It was probably allergies anyways.  Right?
  2. I could insist George take a half day, and request a later appointment.  I wanted this to be a good solution, but I knew it wasn’t.  He’d waste over half the day driving.
  3. I could load the kids into our EasyGo Foldable Wagon and pull them to the pediatrician.

Which would your choose?  Being a workout buff, I obviously chose #3!   I pulled the wagon from the garage and loaded the four into it and began huffing it.  I started strong, the sidewalk was smooth and flat, and I was energized.  And then I realized we live in a rather hilly mountainous neighborhood.  Heaving a wagon that outweighs oneself uphill most certainly counts as cardio and weight training.  Wheesh!  We made it to the office in 15 minutes, which wasn’t shabby.  I probably smelled awful and looked like I’d run a marathon, but we made it.  As we waited for the doctor to check Harper, I started wondering if she’d say it really was allergies or nothing to worry about.  I’d be seething if so….I’d loaded four kids into a wagon, walked uphill (both ways), and paid our copay.  This was one of those moments  when the kid needed a legitimate diagnosis.

quadruplets in the foldable wagon

This wagon was a Christmas gift from some friends, and it is nifty!  We parted ways with our quad stroller because the kids were unwilling to ride it in, but for long walks lost stamina.  This wagon folds flat and fits easily into our trunk, but fits all four kiddos!

When the doctor walked in she immediately noted, “I know which child I’m seeing today!”  She then examined Harper’s ears, eyes, and throat.  It wasn’t long before he had a diagnosis of conjunctivitis and a double ear infection.  Poor guy!  I felt bad that he was really sick, but it did legitimize our morning jaunt.  Since Rylin was beginning to show symptoms, a prescription was also called in for her (A-M-E-N).   With diagnoses made and prescriptions written, we were headed back home at last.   Pink eye is terrible, people.  Just terrible.  Sydney was taken victim two days later, and Mason is holding out but is probably doomed to the same fate.

We have two tiny bottles of eye drops to be administered one drop per eye THREE times per day PER kid.  Of course, these little drops while miraculous with their healing powers, are not appreciated by the children.  When they spy the bottle, they take cover and have to be wrestled like crocodiles.  We then drop one droplet onto closed lids because nobody will open their eyes for this fun.   Then we pray something gets onto the eyeball banishing the eye goop from our home.

In case you wondered how I stay slim without a gym membership, I have quadruplets.  It’s a workout just managing the day to day.

What’s nuts is I’ve walked the kids to the doctor and dentist on my own volition, not just because I didn’t have keys.  There was a time when the kids were so difficult to load into car seats that loading the stroller and walking was easier.  Plus, it was a workout.

 hugs!

 

Amber

 

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Food Revolution Phase 3: Family Style Meals

Amber 11 Comments

mealtime peace

Dating back to our newlywed days, George and I have eaten dinner together at the table with no interruptions.  Family meals were equally important with the addition of children. When the quads were babies, George constructed a quad feeding table, which worked well for spoon feeding them.   When they were about two years old, we transitioned to a family dinner table, which helped us better enjoy family meals because we were facing each other.  For a while, mealtime was a pleasurable experience, but then it became dreadful.

Eliminating snacks certainly didn’t improve mealtime, and changing our snack menu improved nutrition, but still did not alleviate mealtime stress.  Once again, I was back to the drawing board.  I thought back to a conversation I had with one of our ECI therapists about a year ago.  She too experienced mealtime woes and found the work of Ellyn Satter quite helpful.  The foundation of Ellyn Satter’s work hinges on this principle:

“The parent is responsible for what, when, where. The child is responsible for how much and whether.” – Ellyn Satter Institute (ESI)

I thought we’d done a decent job following this principle as well as many of the other recommendations of the ESI.

  • Served three meals a day at regular times with snacks in between
  • Sat at the table to eat
  • We ate as a family with no interruptions
  • We did not operate as short order cooks and did not limit our menu to appease anyone
  • We always served something the kids would like at meals, and included a satisfying starch
  • We let the kids choose which items from the meal to eat and how much of each item
  • We denied snacks between the regular meal and snack times

Despite all of these long standing mealtime habits, there were disgruntled children at our dinner table and it was unpleasant. Having quadruplets means that many of our daily tasks are completed in an assembly line manner, which makes things efficient and fair.   The kid’s plates were no exception.  In the past, after a meal was prepared, we set out the kids plates, filling them with each part of our meal.  We ended up with four identical plates that were doled out at the table.  During the meal, they were allowed to opt out of eating anything on their plate and were encouraged to put unwanted items to the side.  They could also request more of anything they especially liked.  Yet, there were many nights that kids screeched about something at dinner.   I had one final idea I wanted to attempt.

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While I was cooking dinner, I started asking the kids to set the table, giving each child something to set out.  They took this new responsibility very seriously, and it really helped me because it completed a task and kept them occupied while I was busy. Once the meal was ready, we placed all of the food on the center of  the table.  Then, we’d take each dish, going around the table to ask each child if they wanted any.  If it was an item they could self serve, we let them.  If it was too difficult for them to manage, we’d ask them where (the where is critical) on their plate we should put the food, and how much.  This small change was magical.  Three year olds crave independence and control over anything they can manage.  Giving them the control over what went on their plate and where it went alleviated our mealtime stress.

We’ve been serving all meals in this manner for about a month.  In that time period, not one child has thrown a fit.  In fact, the kids have been extremely complimentary about their meals saying things such as, “I like this meal, Mama!”  (Mind you, they are complimenting the very meals that previously sent them into a tailspin.) They’ve also tried foods they previously denied.  They don’t clean their plate, and I don’t want them to.  Instead, they are eating until they feel satisfied and most of all, they are happy.  Mealtime peace has been restored!

 

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Rylin didn’t want to oblige me for a photo, but her plate is a really good example of how it was designed by her.  She really loves tomatoes and she chose a tomato salad with Japanese dressing on it.  The other three aren’t as keen on tomatoes and opted out.

 

How is dinner served at your house?

 

hugs!

 

Amber

Food Revolution: Phase 2 Snacks Redefined

Amber 5 Comments

snacks redefined

When eliminating snacks was unsuccessful for improving dinnertime, I was back to the drawing board.  First, I considered our goals for dinner, and with feeding in general.

  1. We wanted the kids eating a well balanced diet that was adequate for health and growth.  This was critical since our family has experienced chronic constipation, food allergies, and our children are much smaller than same age peers.
  2. We wanted the entire family to have pleasant mealtime experiences.

Since banning snacks basically created hangry children, I decided it was time for everyone (adults and children) to redefine snacks.  Over the past few years, we developed poor snacking habits.  The majority of the time, snacks consisted of food with minimal nutritional value.  Snacking wasn’t the problem itself, the bigger issue was these foods often became substitutes for meals and the kids weren’t getting adequate nutrition.  Keeping this in mind, I tweaked the snack menu.

When our typical afternoon snack time arrived, I started offering several choices that included primarily fruits and vegetables, and other sources of protein such as nuts or dairy.  In the beginning, the kids were NOT pleased with these options, and often on their own volition skipped snacks altogether.  On many occasions they demanded off menu items.  Instead of catering to their whims, I continued offering a variety of options that included items I knew they’d enjoyed before.  We have two tiered basket on the counter top that is always full of fruit (often chosen by the kids during shopping trips), and these were consistently offered as snacks.  In addition, if someone didn’t eat part of a meal, and it was an item I knew they liked, I put it into lidded containers color coded by child.   Leftovers could then be added to the snack menu.

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Here, we had left over Greek yogurt, apples, and pasta that was untouched at lunch.

 

After the weeks trudged on, the kids finally started trying their new snack options and enjoying them.  I could not believe it when Sydney chose apples for her snack, and then gobbled them with a huge smile on her face.  This was a BIG deal, people. Sydney is a self proclaimed “carnival” (e.g. carnivore) who loves to nosh meat and carbohydrates.  Fruit and  veggies have never been atop her preferred foods list, yet she decided apples were indeed tasty.  While we were shopping, she requested grapes.  This was huge for her.

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Raw carrots for snack?  Why yes!  And look at those smiles!

 

During this process of redefining snacks, our snack menu is somewhat limited.  At the same time, our previously enjoyed foods are not “forbidden” either.  I want the kids to learn how to enjoy a variety of food and feel satisfied with some of the most nutritious foods, but to also appreciate treats.  I enjoy desserts and salty snacks, why shouldn’t they?

Even with better snacking habits underway, improving the kid’s nutritional intake, my second goal was not yet achieved.  The kids were often fussy at dinner, claiming to be “very hungry” then refusing to eat anything presented to them.  It was not uncommon for one or more children to proclaim something such as “This is DISGUSTING!” (Thank you, Pixar for Inside Out, and adding “disgust” to the children’s emotional vocabulary.)  It seemed that the kids took turns having a dinnertime tantrum so we’d experience at least one per night.  Even worse, tantrums occurred even when we served favorite meals and despite the fact we told them they didn’t have to eat anything they didn’t want.  Dinner was an exasperating experience most nights.

At this point, we were on the cusp of accomplishing both of the feeding goals, but weren’t quite there.  Stay with me, I know many others are having similar struggles and are eager to discover what finally made all the difference in the world.

 

Hugs!

 

Amber

 

 

Outdoor Play, Everyday!

Amber 8 Comments

outdoor play

I hate it when I don’t take my own advice with the kids, especially when it involves one of my “soapboxes”.  This is one of those instances.  Professionally, I receive numerous requests to consult with parents and teachers regarding behavior and academic problems in children.  Over the past decade I’ve observed hundreds of classrooms in many different schools.  I often find myself fidgeting while observing lengthy lectures in elementary classrooms and think to myself, “I can’t sit still this long, why are KIDS expected to do so?!?!”  For behavior problems (e.g. off task behavior, verbal or physical aggression, fidgeting) I always recommend additional opportunities for sensory motor activity.  I’ve advocated for hyperactive children to get additional recess, or at least extra opportunities to move during their day.

When school staff uses removal of recess as a consequence I’ve encouraged them to at least consider what I dubbed “alternative recess” where the child is not permitted to use the playground, but instead can exercise, run laps, walk the perimeter of the playground, etc. to avoid making them sit still.  When teachers are told they cannot provide more than 15 minutes of recess per day, but struggle with behavior problems, I encourage them to sneak physical activity into their lessons.  Some teachers take breaks between lesson and lead in classroom exercises while others take the class outdoors for lessons.  In order for children to be ready and able to attend and follow directions, they require adequate physical activity.   This year I cringed as I overheard a kindergarten teacher announce “You won’t get recess tomorrow if you are hyper like this again!  You can’t handle recess.”  and when another teacher opted for indoor recess because it was “too cold” (it was about 50 degrees and sunny).  Kids are not equipped to remain still and quiet indoors for long periods of time, and there are ramifications when adults expect it.

During the heat of the summer, I took the kids for walks around the neighborhood and we played in the front or back yard at least once per day if not more.  If it was miserably hot, we used water to keep things comfortable, or ate cold snacks like watermelon and popsicles.  Sometime around October I mentally thought it was too late in the season to do water play and put all the water toys away, but it was still HOT here.  There was less daylight at that time too and the rain came.  It must’ve been about that time of year that we stopped playing outside daily.  We got into a rut of indoor play and being quite lazy.  When the holidays came, we over indulged in television.

No surprise, the kids weren’t napping well and were often cranky.  DUH!  They didn’t get adequate physical activity and outdoor play.  Since having that “ah-ha” moment, I’ve made a conscious effort to take the kids outside to play at least once, if not twice daily.  If it’s cold or damp, we dress for the weather and find few legitimate excuses to stay inside.    The kids typically balk and fuss about going outside, but once they start playing they forget they wanted to stay indoors then fuss when playtime ends.

Outside, the kids have noticed shapes in the clouds, experienced static electricity, and “cooked” meals using garden harvests.

Sasha has enjoyed sunbathing again and the chicks found plenty of bugs to nosh.

Our play equipment has been enjoyed again.

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The American Heart Association recommends that children two and older get at least 60 minutes of moderate physical activity daily.

One of the major reasons we moved from our old house was for a yard with ample space for play equipment, a garden, kids to run freely, and to house backyard chickens.   We’ve invested quite a bit in the yard to make it a sanctuary for our family and it must be used every single day.  Since getting back outdoors, the kid’s behavior has improved.  They sleep better, are in better moods, are using their imaginations, and are learning.  I’m reaping these benefits and so are the furry and feathered members of our family.  Outdoor time serves us well!  Sometimes it takes a little effort to get kids dressed for outdoor play, but it’s always worthwhile.

 

Related Articles:

Peppermint Mocha

Amber Leave a comment

 

@FourtoAdore.com

During the holiday season we took the kids to Starbucks for a hot cocoa date and ordered a peppermint mocha for the adults.  When Sydney batted her big brown eyes and begged for a sip, Daddy obliged. Her thoughts on the beverage….

“Mmmm, coffee!  It tastes like chocolate toothpaste!”

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A toothpaste flavored beverage doesn’t sound particularly enjoyable to me, but Sydney seemed to enjoy it, and I thought it was a good peppermint mocha.

 

What will these kids say next?!?!

 

hugs,

 

Amber

 

Train Ride {Summer Bucket List}

Amber Leave a comment

Yes, you read the title correctly, it says “Summer Bucket List“, and it’s December.  I set out to take the kids on a train ride as part of our summer bucket list, but our trip was delayed significantly.  Nisey and Poppa gave the kids a train ride coupon for their birthday in July, and then we all decided it was much too hot to enjoy during the summer.  Nisey and I researched local trains and considered which would be most enjoyable for three year olds.  We determined the train at the zoo was both cost effective and ideal for preschool aged kids (e.g. classic looking train with a 15 minute  trip).  Then we waited crisp, yet sunny weather for our trip.  After Poppa purchased our tickets we boarded the Yellow Rose and awaited departure.  Harper could hardly believe we were riding on a legitimate train.

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©FourtoAdore.com
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While we were at the zoo, we also seized the opportunity to ride the old fashioned carousel.
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 And, we nibbled on a delicious picnic lunch…
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Oh, and we checked out some of our favorite animals.  It turned out to be a gorgeous day for a train ride and trip to the zoo.
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So that’s it, we FINALLY completed our summer bucket list.  Ta da!
  1. Movies
  2. Sea Life Aquarium
  3. Train ride
  4. Fire station tour
  5. Library story time
  6. Sprayground
  7. Zoo
  8. Bahama Buck’s
  9. Frozen yogurt
  10. Community pool
  11. Grill dinner outside
  12. Water Table
  13. Inflatable Pool
  14. Sprinklers
  15. Ice Cream
  16. Indoor playgrounds
  17. Lee’s Grilled Cheese
  18. Blow bubbles
  19. Chalk drawings
  20. Board games
  21. Play dates
  22. Summer Reading Club
  23. Dance classes
  24. Fireworks
  25. Sleep over with grandparents
  26. Nature Walks
  27. Bounce house
  28. Popsicles
  29. S’mores
  30. Sparklers
  31. Water pistol duels

hugs,

Amber

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19 Practical Gifts for Kids

AsideAmber 2 Comments

When birthdays and Christmas approach, our family and friends often ask for gift ideas for the kids. Having four kids generally means four of each thing and it’s easy to become overwhelmed with “stuff”. I’m not against them receiving new toys, but there are also many non-toy options that are practical and loved by the kids.  I also try to keep budget in mind when others ask  for suggestions. As with anything, a favorite character or color always sweetens the deal.  At this time, our girls are interested in anything princess while the boys like superheroes, pirates, and vehicles.  If you are the parent of a toddler or preschooler, or are shopping for one this season, consider some of our favorites.

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RAIN GEAR

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Earlier this season, we invested in rain boots and rain coats for the kids and they were worth every penny.  Their new gear has been practical on the many soggy days we experienced this fall, and I think they will work for the few snow days we’ll see.  The kids are also really proud of their gear and how easy it is for them to put on and take off themselves.  They often choose to wear rain boots even on sunny dry days, which is fine by me since they don’t need any help.

 

BEDTIME

DIY no skid toddler slippers

Our kids are experts at stalling bedtime, but they have a few creature comforts that seem to help.  Right now, the girls prefer wearing “dressy” nightgowns that look more like dress up clothes than pajamas.  When our friends babysat one night, they thought the girls were trying to bamboozle them into allowing dresses for bed rather than pajamas.  The boys aren’t as picky, but they have pajamas with capes attached that are super cute.  Since we have a lot of tile in our house, the kids also like wearing slippers to keep their tootsies cozy.

Each of our kids sleeps with a dream lite pet that projects stars onto the ceiling at night.  It helps them drift off to sleep, and is also comforting to them if they wake up in the night.  The kids haven’t slept in sleeping bags overnight yet, but we’ve found them handy for family movie night, sick days, and time with the grandparents.  We are also practicing sleeping on them for the day we finally take our first road trip.

 

 

HYGIENE

The quads enjoy bath time and don’t mind brushing their teeth, but they prefer hooded bath towels and brush their teeth longer with power toothbrushes.  They also enjoy wearing plush bath robes before and after bath, or anytime they feel chilled in the house.  I have been surprised by how often they ask to wear their robes.

 

DINING

Family Movie Night

The kids are only allowed to eat in the living room for family movie night, and for those occasions, they use a lap tray to keep things tidy.  Their lap trays are also handy for art projects and table top tasks such as puzzles or magnets.  Since they share almost everything, the kids like having their own personal character dishes and cups that are not shared.  Since the kids are getting too big to use our favorite sippy cups, we have replaced them with lidded, insulated cups with a straw they cannot easily remove.

 

SUPPLIES

Last Christmas a family friend gave the quads money to put towards activities.  We enrolled them in summer recreational dance classes and purchased the necessary attire for it with the money.  If your child will be attending preschool or participating in an activity, either the supplies or money to pay for the activity itself could be on the wish list.

 

 

EXPERIENCES

Our kids benefit from getting out of the house to explore the world, but taking four kids out for something simple like ice cream can be expensive.  We have greatly appreciated gift cards to local eateries and memberships to local attractions.  Our kids also enjoy checking the mail everyday to see if their monthly magazine subscription has arrived.  I often toss their magazines in my purse for waiting rooms, the car, or when we visit others.  They are full of stories and activities to occupy them.

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  •  Memberships or tickets for local theme parks, zoos, or museums

  • Gift cards to restaurants with play areas

  • Movie Tickets

  • Magazine Subscriptions

 

When it comes to shopping for young children, gifts don’t have to be expensive or extravagant.  With the exception of memberships, all of the items on our list are under $30, with most in the $10-$15 range.  Sometimes it’s the little things kids appreciate most.  And, more importantly, we set the example for giving and receiving gifts with our children.   Happy Shopping!

 

Hugs,

 

Amber

 

Disclaimer: For your shopping convenience, you can click on any of the items, which will take you to Amazon for additional information.  Should you choose to make a purchase via an Amazon link, Four to Adore will receive a small commission.  We appreciate support for this website!

There’s No Such Thing As The “Terrible Twos” {Guest Post}

Jennifer Leave a comment
There's no such thing as the terrible two's so what is a parent to do? Try this simple tip. ©FourtoAdore.com

Whoever coined the phrase “terrible twos” must have done so before they were the parent of a three-year old.

Because if the twos are “terrible,” then the “threes” are a nightmare in living color.

At least that was the case in our home, with all three of our children. I hear so many other parents share the same discovery upon the arrival of their first child’s third birthday.

Yes, I think the “terrible twos” are an urban legend.

Because when they’re two, it’s all, “Yes mommy,”

And, “I love you mommy,”

And, “What can I do to please you today mommy?”

And then they turn three, and it’s “No.”

And “You can’t make me.”

And “I don’t love you anymore.”

And “You’re the worst mommy ever!”

And it’s temper tantrums in the aisles of the grocery store.

And non-sensical arguing, 24/7.

And battle time at the dinner table.

And potty training.

(Don’t even get me started on that one.)

I don’t know what happens on the 1,094th day of their sweet little lives, but whatever it is, it’s not good.

It’s as if there’s a switch on their backs. And on the eve of their third birthday, someone dressed for the cover of darkness, and wearing a mask, sneaks into our home while all the chicks are tucked safely into bed, and flips the switch from “angel” to … well, the opposite of that.

And the next day, our whole life changes.

For at least 12 months.

terrible twos - terrible threes - gratitude - finding gratitude for children who are misbehaving - thankfulness - praying for thankfulness - praying for gratitude - the power of prayer in parenting - mommy time out - parent time out

 

I remember vividly when my husband, Kory, and I discovered that our sweet little angel of a first-born had made that transition. It revealed itself in a battle of the wills that centered around swallowing food.

We wanted her to.

And she wouldn’t.

For hours at a time, she would hold her food in between her cheeks and her gums.

What in the world?

Were we raising a child or a chipmunk?

We weren’t sure.

It happened day after day, for weeks on end.

And it got so out of hand that we were having to wrestle her to the ground before bedtime to sweep her mouth of whatever food she was storing up for winter so she wouldn’t choke to death in her sleep.

That control battle dominated the scene for weeks and tainted every other interaction we had with our daughter because we were frustrated and exhausted.

terrible twos - terrible threes - gratitude - finding gratitude for children who are misbehaving - thankfulness - praying for thankfulness - praying for gratitude - the power of prayer in parenting - mommy time out - parent time out

I remember one day in particular.

Kory was working late.

I was pregnant with our first-born son.

And it was dinner time.

It had been a long day, and our daughter had been preparing for hibernation and telling me “no” for most of it. She also wouldn’t put her pee pee in the potty, so I’d cleaned up at least 10 messes on the floor when I could barely reach my toes.

I made her favorite meal for dinner, which she informed me she no longer liked. But with some coaxing, I got her to eat. (Well, I guess that’s what you call it when someone chews up their food and stores it between their cheeks and their gums.)

She had a mouthful of food that she wouldn’t swallow, and it was time for bed.

I was too tired to fight her, so I ignored it, and I took her upstairs for bath, hoping she would swallow her food on her own. But one bath, one story, and one prayer later, the food was still in her mouth. So the time had come when I was going to have to deal with it, whether I wanted to or not.

But when I began to reach towards her mouth to sweep the food out with my fingers, there was no daughter.

There was only Zuul.

The child flipped out, demonstrating some moves I hadn’t yet seen.

And with my pregnant belly in the way, I couldn’t control her. So I carried her flailing body back to the high chair and strapped her in so she couldn’t hurt herself or me.

I “left” the room because, if raising a three-year old had taught us anything, we’d learned that temper tantrums require an audience. So I lurked around the corner, out of sight, sitting on the floor with my head between my knees, sobbing while she screamed.

terrible twos - terrible threes - gratitude - finding gratitude for children who are misbehaving - thankfulness - praying for thankfulness - praying for gratitude - the power of prayer in parenting - mommy time out - parent time out

I’d had it with all the disobedience.

I’d had it with the battles of the wills.

I’d had it with the feelings of disdain for my own child.

I’d had it with the feelings of failure as her mom.

But while I sat there, I felt God leading me to pray. So I did. And as is often the case, I felt God leading me to do something in my prayers.

I felt God leading me to give thanks for this child.

Yeah, right.

This horribly disobedient, three-year-old-who-thinks-she’s-a-chipmunk, control freak, who was screaming like something demon-possessed in the other room.

I’m not going to say it was easy at first.

I was in the weeds of the terrible threes.

So I’d lost sight of all the beautifully good and wonderful things about this child, and I needed a reminder. But after searching the most inner parts of my heart and soul, I was able to identify some wonderful things about her that were getting lost in all the things we were working on.

Her outgoing nature.

Her care for others.

Her blossoming love for Jesus.

Her knack for prayers.

Her sense of humor.

Her creativity.

Her amazing vocabulary.

Her wisdom.

Her sparkling eyes.

And her smile.

Just to name a few.

I found that the list went on and on and on. And as I sat there on the floor giving thanks for this beautifully imperfect three-year old, I got so lost in my list, I didn’t even notice that she’d finally stopped screaming in the other room.

When I finished my prayer, I pulled myself off the floor, swept her out of the high chair, and put her to bed, feeling entirely different about both her and me than I had just a few minutes before.

Are you in a difficult season with one of your children?

If so, know you’re not alone. Know there are countless other moms and dads walking their own journey of struggle right along side you.

It’s normal.

But in our attempt to convey the appearance that we have it all together, most of us just don’t talk about it. So it feels like we’re the only parents in the world who can’t control our kids.

Having raised three children out of the terrible threes and some other difficult seasons as well, I know this too. Like any other season, this season, will pass.  And there will be things about it you’ll miss.

So stay the course.

Maintain your resolve.

Know there’s light at the end of this tunnel.

And along the way, when you find yourself in the midst of the toughest of days, take a parent time out to give thanks for the child (or children) that have you on your knees. It’s a truly transforming exercise that will help you regain some much needed perspective.

It may just save your day.

Do you have any strategies for changing your outlook when one of your children becomes consistently challenging?

 

Jennifer Knott - Confessions Of A Pastor's FamilyJennifer is a pastor’s wife, mom of three “tiggers”, part-time attorney, and Noonday Collection Independent Ambassador. She is passionate about families and loves to inspire and encourage couples as they strive to build strong, healthy relationships with God, each other, and their kids.

In a social media driven world that puts only its highlight reels online, Jennifer has observed an unmet need for deep, authentic relationships. As a result, she blogs over at Confessions Of A Pastor’s Family, where she shares transparent stories about her faith, marriage, family, and ministry so that others might see God’s transforming power in her imperfect family and be inspired to use their own families as a witness to others in the name of Jesus Christ.

The Day I Quit Potty Training

Amber 14 Comments

I read all of the books and sought all of the advice before we started potty training. I tought it was do able, but I learned through experience that kids have to be ready developmentally. I was merely presenting the opportunity for them to learn.

Long before becoming a parent, I remember watching both my aunt and cousin struggle to potty train their children.  Both were moms to bright kids with extensive vocabularies, and they were good moms.  These children seemed fully capable of being toilet trained but clearly their parents were committing fatal errors in the process.  Being trained in behaviorism, I had many theories as to why they were failing and didn’t mind dishing out “helpful” advice whether it was requested or not.  Both of these moms struggled for YEARS with potty training their children. I naively believed I would have a smooth potty training experience in my future.  Ideally, my children would be accident free by two years old and would never, ever wear a pull up.

“Give me a dozen healthy infants, well-formed, and my own specified world to bring them up in and I’ll guarantee to take any one at random and train him to become any type of specialist I might select — doctor, lawyer, artist, merchant-chief and, yes, even beggar-man and thief, regardless of his talents, penchants, tendencies, abilities, vocations, and race of his ancestors.”
–John Watson, Behaviorism, 1930

At age two, Mason and Rylin showed some interest in using the toilet.  We bought a toddler sized potty seat and began modeling for them.  Shortly thereafter they began sitting on their potty seat and occasionally peed.  Victory!!!  Harper and Sydney weren’t as interested, but occasionally sat on the potty seat too.  By about 2.5, the girls were waking up dry in the morning and I felt they were gaining bladder control.  I wasn’t ready to delve into full-fledged potty training, but continued modeling for the kids and added an embedded seat to the toilet with potty stool to their bathroom.  At this point, Rylin was able to keep her pull up dry, but was unable to have a BM in the toilet due to gastrointestinal issues (she sees a specialist for them).  Shortly before the kids turned three, I decided it was time to hunker down and use the “Three Day Method” for all four kids.  I consulted numerous articles, books, and of course, my most powerful resource, other quad moms.

I collected an arsenal of supplies including:

WE WERE READY TO TACKLE POTTY TRAINING QUADRUPLETS!!!!

an embedded potty seat, looster stool and two step stool are handy for potty training

potty training bathroom

light switch

Oxi Clean

little loo potty seats are handy for multiples- they are relatively small, come in many colors, are cheap ($10), and easy to clean

The night before kicking off potty training, we removed all rugs leaving bare tile and plank that could easily be wiped down.  I created clean up stations in key rooms, which included a roll of paper towels, Lysol wipes, and Nature’s Miracle stain remover.  In the bathroom, I kept a stack of fresh undies, books and magazines, and a trash can for soiled clothes.  Knowing potty training quads was too much even for me, I solicited the help of Nisey for three days, and George was off work.  The first morning when the quads woke up, we presented them with their very own personalized potty seats (I put their names on them using stickers to prevent squabbling over a particular seat), new undies, and t-shirts they chose at Target.

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As expected, the first day was rough, there were lots of accidents.  Fortunately, there were many successes too.  Even Harper who never successfully peed on the potty learned this skill.  On the second and third day, the kids were getting the hang of peeing on the toilet, but not one would poop.  I consulted other moms of multiples and discovered that many kids took several weeks before they consistently pooped the toilet even though their parents considered them “trained” after the three days.  I took comfort knowing this and we continued the potty training process.  Nearly a month later not one child pooped on the potty.  Ever.  Some accidents were so bad that I cut undies off the child so I wouldn’t have to pull the mess over their legs. Numerous undies made it to the trash.  I felt defeated.  What was I to do?  Call the Worst Potty Trainer for advice, of course.

I know, who would call the person who admittedly failed at potty training not once, but three times?  Me because I FINALLY understood why she failed.  When I called my cousin, Jennifer, self-proclaimed worst potty trainer ever, I could hear her husband laughing audibly in the background.  I wasn’t seeking advice to “fix” the problem or to magically train the children.  I knew I presented the opportunity for success, but for one reason or another they weren’t ready for it.  I needed reassurance that it was okay to stop with all the pressure and let the kids wear pull ups, for their comfort and my sanity.  (At this point my sanity was hanging on by a thread).  Jennifer taught me a new mantra that I repeat in my head multiple times per day,

“Absent extenuating health issues or extraordinary circumstances, your pre-schooler will not go to kindergarten pooping in his or her pants.” -Jennifer Knott, Confessions of a Pastor’s Family

Jennifer also gave me this piece of wisdom,

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

Matthew 6:34

God’s desire is for us not to worry.

After our conversation, I put all the undies away and added Pampers Easy Ups Training Pants to my monthly subscribe and save with Amazon mom.  And, more importantly, I breathed a sigh of relief.  I let go of all the pressure to “train the kids”.  I left all the potty seats in the bathroom and continued praise for success, but the stresses of watching for signs, cleaning up messes, and utter frustration were relieved.  About four or five weeks after quitting potty training, Mason disappeared from the dinner table.  I thought he headed to the playroom, but soon heard a little voice proclaim, “I pooped on the potty!!!!”  Everyone leapt from their seats to confirm his claim.  The other three kids screeched in delight saying, “Mace, YOU DID IT!!!!”  We all beamed in pride.  And you know what?  Mason has continued using the toilet independently for weeks.  The others aren’t quite there, but they’ve had successes here and there, and they will go to kindergarten using the potty.  I’m done potty training, and I’m good with that.  Our attention has shifted more to one of “toilet learning” than toilet training, and it’s much less stressful for all of us.

P. S. I’m fully aware of the MANY potty training techniques available to get the job done, and I bet I’ve tried the majority of them.  I know that numerous parents have met success with such techniques.  You may even be tempted to share your own nuggets of advice, but please just keep them to yourself 😉

Related Articles:

Advice from the World’s Worst Potty Trainer

Potty Training Twins: A Series of Stops and Starts

Potty Training Quadruplets- 101

Potty Training- The Scoop!

Toilet Learning vs Toilet Training

You’re Doing it Wrong: 48 Tips from the Worst Potty Trainer, Ever

Buy One, Get One Free

Amber 3 Comments

When I was a child, my mother always made my Halloween costumes, and she was quite creative.  I went through a few years of wanting to be things instead of people.  Long before the invent of Pinterest, mom managed to craft costumes including a bag of M & M candies, a shocking pink Crayola Crayon, and a bunch of purple grapes.  When the quads arrived, I was determined to follow her example of creating cute costumes without spending much, if any money.

When the quads were infants, Aunt CiCi made them mummy onsies.  The next year, we used white t-shirts to make four of a kind playing cards.  When they were two years old, we went as Noah’s Ark; the kids wore animal print clothing with coordinating ears and tails.  These first few Halloweens, the quads tolerated whatever I chose for them.  As threenagers they weren’t quite so complacent.  In the weeks leading up to Halloween, the excitement over the holiday began.  Throughout the day they’d inform me what costume they intended to wear, which primarily consisted of favorite television show characters.  Feeling defeated, I decided I would take them to Target to choose their own costumes (gasp!)  Much to my delight, Target was running a buy one, get one free sale on children’s Halloween costumes.  If I was going to fork out cash for Halloween costumes, at least I’d get them for a bargain.

Here are Mommy's Mummies handmade by Aunt CiCi herself!

©FourtoAdore.com

©FourtoAdore.com

After cruising the crowded costume aisles several times over, each child chose their own costume.  I could hardly contain my excitement when they managed to coordinate with one another as superheroes: Supergirl, Captain America, and Spiderman.  Proving the purchase was worthwhile, the quads wore their costumes nearly everyday after we brought them home.  And, I believe they will continue wearing them throughout the year.

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Mason wasn’t keen on the Spidey mask so I found a Spiderman baseball hat at Target for him to wear instead.  Rylin added her own flare to her costume by adding a sparkling tiara. Harper and Sydney were excited that they were compliments to one another.

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Our neighborhood is the perfect place for trick or treating.  As soon as the sun begins setting, families clad in Halloween costumes begin lining the sidewalks.  Homeowners (or kind relatives) perch on the driveways sharing treats while spooky music fills the air.  There are so many trick or treaters, most people realize that closing the front door is a fruitless effort.  Some families leave a clever note and basket of treats on the porch while they enjoy the festivities for themselves.

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The quads had a hard time understanding the concept of taking only one treat from a bucket so I had to keep an eye on them.

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©FourtoAdore.com

Sometimes the treats looked so yummy, we had to stop walking to nosh on one.

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©FourtoAdore.com

©FourtoAdore.com

Once we were back at the house, the kids began tearing through their treat buckets for goodies.  We let them choose a few favorites before confiscating the haul.  Sneakily, we distracted them by charging them with passing out treats for our visitors.

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How did you spend your Halloween night?

Hugs!

Amber

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